Celebitchy – Well the Duggars are Back in The News
And will be for all eternity since their family envelops BASICALLY the entire population of Denmark. This time we’re focusing our deviant eyes on Jinger, Duggar No. 6, who’s “officially courting” pro soccer player Jeremy Vulo. This came as a surprise to me, since I assumed the broken down vaginal clown car that is Michelle was reserving Jinger With A J (christ) for backup childcare. But yay, good for Jinger! She gets to do very boring, very lacking in birth control pee-in-the-vee for the rest of time. Click the link to see Jinger sidehugging her new beau, which is the only sanctioned form of physical contact the Dugglets can hope for until they are legally bound under the eyes of Tha Lawd.
TMZ – Anton Yelchin Was Not in Pain, I Guess
I don’t know who this sexy dish is that all you kids are talking about but I’m sad he died. Sorry! 
Good news is he went very shortly after crashing his Jeep, so there’s that.
D-Listed – Social Media has Lost One Star in Its Dark and Terrifying Sky
Demi Lovato, who is someone famous and not a brand of frozen pizzas, has realized that she needs to “quit saying shit” (ha!) and took her Twitter and Instagram accounts back out behind the shed to put them out of their misery. Congrats, Demi! I can’t wait to see what you do with these two and a half months of free time. Oh, Snapchat? Snapchat. You didn’t get rid of the Snapchat? Well. OK. Baby steps I guess. I guess if North West is literate in it you can’t really turn your back on it.
People – Happy 34th Birthday, Billy!
Our friend William, who has some job in the government over in England, is 34 today. Oh man, Bill, over the hill buddy! Hahaha. A bunch of us chipped in and got you this gag cane with a horn and your AARP card. LOL! Just kidding, it’s not real. I really tried to pull some strings though! Seriously. I called the AARP folks and everything. But, ya know, Social Security bla bla bla identity fraud. Anyway, have a good one! Did Cathy plan anything special? She taking you and the kids out to the Rainforest Cafe? You know… if you’re not busy Saturday night… some of the guys in Region 4 and I are going out for… ya know. A *fun* place. Where they do *fun* things. There’s this girl there – Jayden – what she can do with a bottle cap. My GOD. Anyway yeah, yeah. Think about it is all.
E! – Speaking of Royalty…
Lord Disick’s place is on the market. Are you looking for a place with seats in every shower? Mirrored ceilings in all the bedrooms? Small caches in unexpected places for quickly and expediently hiding… stuff? Well then you’re in luck, buddy! Check out this pool deck! Don’t you think the blood stains add character? Hey! Is that errant dust or residual Colombian nose candy? Who can even tell?! That’s what makes it fun.
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