Apparently MisRed is the only idiot who was confused about WHY RHOC wasn’t on last week. I kept checking Amazon, checking Bravo, blah de blah and was like “Oh, it was a holiday.” But what, pray tell, is more ‘Merican that over-privileged narcissistic hoochies fighting on TV?
The episode opens with a little check-in with everyone. We see Tammy Sue working out. Meghan getting ready to attempt a hormone shot in her non-existent stomach. David & Shannon discussing moving. And Vicki in Oklahoma City to prepare to drive to California so Briana came make her a casserole.
Nothing Jesus loves more than a tight ass
Omg, I just tuned into Tamra’s tagline in the opening segment “My faith is strong and my ass isn’t bad either.” Oh dear.
Down in Oklahoma, at Briana’s house, Vicki’s grandkids are playing with toy guns, and they are packing up for their road trip. Good thing they don’t live in Texas, the guns would be real. Vicki says “Thank Jesus, I am getting my babies back!!” Um, not YOUR babies, Vicki, they are Briana’s babies. She continues with this pearl:
“Thank god I never have to set foot in Oklahoma City again!” Way to offend thousands of people in one fell swoop, Vicki.
Briana says she’s leaving Oklahoma to get closer to her team of Doctors to care for the infection in her leg and her lymph nodes. Vicki hugs Ryan and he punches her in the face and for getting lint on his shirt.
And don’t you dare spill anything in the f*cking car.
Sorry, wishful thinking. Vicki has grown to love that little hot head. She thinks he’s a great Dad and husband. She laments that they just ran off to the drive thru in Las Vegas and got married without asking for her permission. Where is the compassion? Where is her casserole? Ryan is staying behind in Oklahoma to finish up his military career and to sell the house.
Back in the OC- Meghan is going to attempt to give herself a hormone shot for the first time. Shockingly, Jim is not there. But she’s making a video diary for him … which, since Jimmy set up a “rule” in Outlook, will instantly be routed to his deleted file. Despite having a tattoo and having Jimmy poking her with his renob- Meghan is terrified of needles. She just thinks to herself: “baby baby baby baby.” The video lapses 5 minutes, then 11 minutes.
The timeline of Meghan’s Video Diary
MisRed flies to the OC and plunges the needle into her gut. Meghan is so proud of herself, she actually did it! <Hard eye roll> I’m sure Jimmy is really going to sit through 11 minutes of her hemming and hawing.
Over at Shannon’s pile of bricks, we learn they are entering escrow. They are have been in escrow many times. The buyers are awaiting “overseas money.” The buyer is a Nigerian Prince. Shannon has given him her bank account details and she is sure she has $42,000,000 coming to her. Shannon asks her kids where they want to live? Sophie, the oldest, who is, inexplicably- other than saying today is her “first show,” – is made-up to look like a hooker.
What exactly is she showing?
Stella proclaims she wants to live at the beach. The girls want a modern white house and classic teenage bedroom- so what? Piles of dirty laundry on the floor, poster of the Solo Flex dude on the wall and bars on the windows?
Oh wait, that was just MisRed’s teenage bedroom. Adeline wants a 100,000 square foot house – she wants to do some downsizing. Stella doesn’t want anything ugly, which is a shame because Shannon notes that’s exactly what she was going for- an ugly house. The truth is, the Beadors are moving to rid themselves of Shannon’s 2,972 daily negative thoughts.
Shannon meets realtor, John- whose face is pulled so tight there must be laces up the back- and even he is dubious. She and David built their dream house- was supposed to be 7,500 square foot and it turned out to be 13,000 square feet. Shannon is adamant she wants to downsize. Shannon wants to stay in the same area- just not the same area as her negative thoughts.
I still want to be in the general vicinity of my negative thoughts…
John says he is going to get her a great replacement home! Just make sure David’s mistress can ride up and down on the mechanical chandelier.
Tried to find a pic of Paula Deen riding a Chandelier… but MisRed gives you this instead. You’re welcome.
We join Vicki and Briana’s road-trip already in progress. Three hours in progress, to be exact, only 19 hours to Orange County. Vicki has some very insightful observations, “There is nothing out here. Where do people go to shop?!?!” They see and smell cows.