Pajiba – The GOP is Falling Apart Over Melania Trump Plagiarism Allegations
At Cleveland’s human garbage fire cookout, a mail order bride took the stage and said words. Of course, those words were purchased on politicalcliffnotes.com, and were spoken by an intelligent woman not married to a human cheesy poof. Cue angry white rage babies yelling about THINGS and defending this walking piece of silicon. I keep hoping that I’ll wake up tomorrow and realize that this whole election season has been one, very long Tylenol Cold induced fever dream involving a Fascist Oompa Loompa, and his family of weak-chinned, prep school villains. Wake me up when the nightmare is over.
Celebitchy – Taylor Swift Considers Pursuing Criminal & Civil Action Against Kanye West
In the case of Baby Colt Legs vs. Yeezy It’s-All-About-Meezy, we find Princess Sparkle Barf GUILTY of getting served hard by a woman who made her ass famous by getting sprayed with pee. We the people sentence you to stop with the staged YA photo-ops with Loki, and pretending to be anything other than the high school mean girl that you truly are.
Starcasm – Tila Tequila Tweets Racist Shit
Coming soon to Fox News, A Shot of Delusion with Tila Tequila. In her brand new show, Tila will tell us about the intergalactic issues that face our country, and hate groups will compete for a hot tub date with Tila. Please note: contestants must bring their own penicillin and Confederate Flag swim trunks.
Dlisted – Khlozilla Dragged a Random Chick’s B-Hole Into the Kimye/ Taylor Feud
In asshole news, and no I’m not referring to the RNC convention, Khloe Kardashian entered the social media thunderdome to break Chloe Grace Moretz’s neck with her ass implants. Khloe decided to tweet a photo of CGM’s butthole, but it turns out it wasn’t her butthole at all but a random girl’s butthole. In case you were wondering, Pee Wee’s Word of the Day is “Butthole!!!!” YAY!!! Anyhoo, despite being wrong, wrong, wrong and guilty of not doing her butthole due diligence, Khloe is refusing to back down and take down the photo of Not CGM’s butthole. Someone needs a lesson in remedial bitch fighting.
E! Online – Pauly D is Confident the Sex With Aubrey O’Day is the Best She’s Ever Had
Right, because we never, ever lie
TMZ – Lady Gaga and Taylor Kinney: We Broke Up
I guess it was a…Bad Romance? Boo. I know. [hangs head]. I’m just disappointed that I’ll never get to see her insane wedding dress made of the pubic hairs of her bridal party.