Previously: Audrey got busted (finally) via voicemail, and must now face the wrath of the bland one; Bitchy told Lakewood to stick it up their bike path; Professor Try-Hard got up in Bleh-mma, and the rest of the Near Death Breakfast Club’s business in the hopes of writing a trashy best seller. She also got tossed over a stairwell. Nobody likes nosy bitches, Prof.; Audrey blames herself; Some questionable plot shit went down at the Fun House of Clown Horror involving Bleh-mma and Kieran Kohl; Creepy Cartoonist went all emo on Sheriff Zero Fucks ass, and dared his dad to prove that he’s a maladjusted killer with a six-pack, and a Halloween mask.
Bleh-mma walks down the stairs and sees Kieran Kohl, Audrey and Shut Up! Noah waiting for her in the living room. Her friends want to offer their help, but Bleh-mma freaks and runs through the Crate and Barrel showroom that is her house. Bleh-mma gets cornered in the kitchen, and stabs the shit out of her friends. LOL. Most of us appreciate friends who look out for us, but not Bleh-mma. She’ll stab you in the gut for expressing concern. Notice that Miss “Truth at ALL Times” doesn’t want to talk. Remind me again why anybody bothers with this twit? Oh yeah, MTV loves bland blonde damsels. Cool Coroner Mom shakes Bleh-mma out of her nightmare. Bleh-mma is still holding the knife and freaks. If Bleh-mma is crazy does that mean they can lock her up in an asylum off-screen, because I’d support that narrative decision.
I told you that you weren’t ready for knives…sporks only
Bleh-mma is telling Kieran Kohl about her nightmare. Kieran is totally understanding, and glosses over the bit about his girlfriend’s subconscious wanting to murder him. Bleh-mma doesn’t want to talk to Audrey ever again, and neither does Kieran. Kieran suggests ditching school, because everyone is so understanding. Really? Have you double-checked with school administration about that? Bleh-mma is going to school though because she has to figure things out. Don’t strain yourself, or anything, we wouldn’t want you to burn out those teeny tiny brain cells of yours.
Audrey is busy staring at desktop photos of her and Bleh-mma. All that’s missing is some sad music. Add your own tiny violins.
Sheriff Zero Fucks gets home and finds his son’s bed empty. He calls Creepy Cartoonist who is lying shirtless in bed with Bitchy Brooke. I guess that sleepover when from PG to PG-13. Bitchy says that she doesn’t mind that people think Creepy is a weirdo, because have you taken a look at his abs?! Bitchy Brooke knows you’ve got to lock down the freaky comic book guy who does CrossFit – they are like the unicorns of the Horror-Con. Bitchy is having some #regrets about her liqueur soaked speech at the pageant. However, seeing Bitchy Brooke’s angry grrrrrl side gets Creepy Cartoonist hard, and they start macking. Bitchy is into it, but Meathead continues to cockblock her from beyond the grave (seriously, you know in life Meathead would have loved to sexually harass Creepy Cartoonist’s barbells. Never forget!) Creepy Cartoonist is cool with waiting – judging by his state of undress, he’s not going to be blue-balling – because he knows that Bitchy like. Bitchy goes to take a shower, but doesn’t leave the door completely closed. Um, does she want to get caught? Creepy Cartoonist treats us to the gun and gutters show, before reminding us that he’s not called Creepy for nothing when he pockets a lipstick from Bitchy’s dresser. One step forward, two steps back with that one.
With 24 Hour Fitness even creepy kids with poor social skills can get laid. The more you know.
School. Bleh-mma and Kieran are filling in a shocked Bitchy Brooke on Audrey’s transgressions. Prank’d Girl returns so that she can keep her SAG card current with one snarky line. Thanks for stopping by, your check is in the mail. They spot Shut Up! Noah and start waiving their pitchforks in his face. How long has he known? Shut Up! says that he felt like it was Audrey’s story to tell. Bleh-mma isn’t buying that shit. It pains me to agree with Bleh-mma, who we all know is just THE WORST, but all of her points are valid. Their friends were dying, and Audrey said nothing. Audrey chooses this moment to want to talk. Girl, learn to read a mob. Bleh-mma is not having it, so Audrey chases her down the hall. THIS is never a good idea in any situation, even those not involving serial killers that you brought to town. Bleh-mma reads Audrey the riot act, and again, I can’t disagree with a thing she says. Do I need to see a doctor? Bleh-mma then shoves Audrey hard against her locker. Kieran is really invested in ditching class, and now Bleh-mma is riled up and ready to oblige. Bleh-mma opens her locker, and finds a tiny tape with her name on it, tied to a strand of hair. Do people still use those tiny tapes because I seriously doubt that Bleh-mma has something that can play that handy. Not to mention, is Bleh-mma even old enough have seen a cassette tape?