Hello Trash Talkers!
It’s Floshizzle, back with another ridiculous reality TV show to trash. This time I am presenting you with the Most Beautiful People of Reality TV: THE DALLAS COWBOYS CHEERLEADERS. Should you feel like being a tad snooty, this shameless display of all things superficial is in its eleventh season. There are always new viewers, so here’s the overview of the show. Making the Team documents the audition process for the DCC from Day 1 of the open auditions, to the moment they announce the new squad. Many of these women are not only Barbie clones, but they’ve been training in dance since they were toddlers. The competition is cutthroat and there is no shortage of drama. People have and will be sent away for everything from overly muscular thighs to snake eyes. Hundreds of starving women will beg, barf and claw, all for a spot on the squad. There are candidates who have spent most of their lives preparing for the opportunity to perform in teeny uniforms in front of millions, for next to nothing. It’s worth it to them, because not only will they receive the honor of being named one of “America’s Sweethearts,” but there are piles of perks that go with it. The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, as badly paid as they are, are something of celebrities in certain places. That status increases their chances of snagging a millionaire spouse considerably. That includes attractive, young and wealthy men, instead of just the typical limp geezers. There’s also the potential of trapping a celebrity. Remember this when the audition process starts to become really, really ugly. It always does.
Judy Trammell at her most pleasant.
We arrive at Day 1 of auditions at the AT&T stadium in Dallas in the pouring rain. These are the PRELIMS, the ONLY day where anyone can audition. That is, anyone who doesn’t mind being subjected to very real humiliation. Rumor (and one of the earliest seasons) has it that you are weighed even before you audition, and on a scale very visible to the competition. I can only imagine the trashing among the wannabes. The DCC director Kelli Finglass and her evil-eyed sidekick in snark, DCC choreographer Judy Trammell, secretly live for the first day of auditions. While there are mostly impossibly lean, toned and beautiful women, there are others who don’t fit the mold who dared to show up. This is one of the rare occasions where someone over 16% body fat, with less than perfect hair, will be allowed to perform in front of the DCC elite. It’s open season for fat and hair shaming, and Kelli and Judy thrive on it.
We are introduced to our very first featured candidate. There are always candidates with some truly inspirational stories. That and they usually look like our first special snowflake, Tasha:
Tasha is (at the time of filming at least) a single mother from Utah. Her sob story is that she got pregnant right after high school and had her daughter at 19. She was shunned by many of her friends for having a child without a ring on her finger. Tasha went on to cheer for the NBA for six years. That is NOT the most inspiring candidate story I’ve heard on this show by a long shot, sorry.
Kelli does a talking head to brag about the past season. She talks about the many impressive places the women performed over the past year. They performed with country singer Luke Bryan on national TV, traveled on two USO tours and ended the season with a huge show at WrestleMania. WrestleMania?! Kelli does her signature walk across the field, clad in her signature Spanx and tight blue dress. She’s joined by Anthony Ramos, the style correspondent for Access Hollywood. He brags that he and Kelli have been friends for ages. They met in L.A. years ago and (shockingly!) clicked. I can only imagine what they have in common. Somehow cattiness comes to mind. That and he is a HUGE Cowboys fan. They laugh about how different the DCC audition wardrobe is from the red carpet. He pretends to be excited about seeing the various styles of the candidates. Then he wanders backstage and chats up the women as they fluff, stuff and shine up for the auditions. His cheesy comments make me cringe. He can leave now.
Throughout the show, there are random talking heads with various candidates. One of them is Kyndall, a gorgeous brunette with long curls who is auditioning for the third time. She tears up and says she has to make it this year or that’s it. The dream is OVER. It really irritates me when they start heading in that direction. I adored Kyndall last year, because she was one of the few who didn’t cry or beg every time she was called into the office. She was cut the night before they announced the squad last year and didn’t shed a tear. STOP IT ALREADY. I have no time for crybabies this early in the game. Thank you for not letting those tears fall. That was close. You can stay.