So last week we left the Big Brother houseguests in the middle of the Loch-Mess Monster HOH competition AND a battle back among the jury all rolled into one – so if a jury member won the whole thing they could theoretically go on to not only get back in the house, but become the new HOH. Woo! For the first time ever, I stayed up and watched the twitter feeds of the show feeds to find out what happened, so hopefully this episode will still be fun to watch. Only one way to find out – let’s-a goooooo!
This episode is brought to you by the Loch-Mess Challenge Squirrel. I love you.
Victor is coming in hot, saying that he’s un-eVICTable, even though he’s been evicted twice, but I know what he means. Nat and Mich want Bridgette to come back, James doesn’t want anyone to come back, and Paul says – of course – “My bandana is PISSED”.
Now we get a groovy flashback to 4 hours before eviction, when Paul was trying to save Victor. He’s talking to James about how he thought James had his back, and James is just staring at him with James face. Michelle pipes in from the corner of the kitchen “He TOTALLY had your back, Paul”. This sends Paul into total who-asked-you-woman mode, and then pretty much his entire face gets blurred out as he calls Michelle a Cut Fitness.
Danger Zone
The other houseguests are like, “Oh no he DIDN’T”, as Paul and Michelle keep having it out. She calls him a baby, he calls her a baby, and I think they’re both right. Then Mich storms out and Paul and James continue their conversation (with Natalie) while Mich listens from behind a door. James tells Paul that Natalie really wanted to save Victor, which makes Nicole question the strength of her and Corey’s alliance with James and Nat.
Everyone’s a lying liar face.
BACK TO THE HOH CONTEST! Nicole is determined to win, since she doesn’t feel safe anymore. Day isn’t feeling this competition since she’s scared of heights and doesn’t like water, and it does legit look like these guys are getting blasted super hard with the hoses.
This suuuuuucks
Day decides she can’t make it, so she and Zakiyah hold hands and jump off together, Thelma and Louise style.
There’s no Brad Pitt in this metaphor, but maybe Paulie is the guy who gets shot?
James gets into a cool crouching stance, becoming one with the wall, as we sludge on through this comp. 19 minutes in, Paul lets us know that his nipples are super hard – really glad to get that info. Corey gets gradually more and more tired until he does a hilarious sideways slant off into the water – also we learn his nickname is CoCo. Now his fate lies in Nicole’s hands, and her glued together eyelashes.
Eye makeup was a bad choice.
33 minutes in now, and Bridgette (as well as my hopes and dreams) falls off the wall, so the only remaining jurors are Paulie and Victor and Paulie’s tiny shorts. Paulie kind of slips then manages to imitate James’ crouch for a second and haul himself back up while everyone else gives him half-hearted encouragement.
You…got this. Good job.
Paulie’s trying his best to outlast Victor, who is shivering next to him, but altogether looks to be holding on more easily than Paulie. With every blast to the face, Paulie lets a out a kind of roar, but when the wall is tilted to an extra steep angle he can’t hold on any longer.
Remember meeeeeee
This makes Victor the returning – literally – champ! But he won’t be HOH because he slips right off the wall shortly after Paulie. 54 minutes in and we’re down to just Paul, Nicole, and James. James looks the best, Paul is talking a big game, and Nicole has the fire to win because she’s not sure if anyone is trustworthy. But again, is anyone ever trustworthy? No.
After an hour and a damn half, Paul slides sideways off the wall.
Friendshiiiiip
Now we’re down to just James and Nicole – Nicole tries to offer James a deal by promising him and Nat safety, and he pledges her and Corey the same thing. It’s a good thing James has never broken a deal during a competition, right guys? Nicole says she just wants a letter from her mooooooooom and can’t go another week without hearing from her family. And I cannot BELIEVE it, but James just gives her the win.
What could go wrong?
Nicole is immediately debating with herself whether or not she’ll honor the deal that she literally JUST MADE. Paul feels great with this turn of events, while Mich is like “Oh shit” because remember how she – for no reason – called out Nicole when she thought she was being evicted? And has no poker face whatsoever? And has made it clear over and over she wants Nicole out?
Is that bad?
Back in the house, Vic has returned again, Nicole is HOH, and she and Corey have to plot their game plan. If Corey knows how to plan anything, I’m not sure. Also, doesn’t Nicole know you’re not supposed to brush wet hair? It sounds like she’s ripping up carpet over there.
I just throw brushes out when they’re full of hair. One a week.
Anyway, over the sound of hair being torn out at the roots, Nicole says that she wants Michelle to go home this week. Psychically picking up on these vibes (sorry, too much Hollywood Medium lately), Michelle goes to chat with James about the deal he made with Nicole. Like, was it just for hiiiiim and Nat? Or maybe Mich toooooo? James is all “hey, I can’t make deals for everybody”, which is a fair point.
I can’t believe anyone still makes deals with me at all!
Elsewhere, Paul and Nicole and Corey, new BFF’s, are discussing Victor in the kitchen. Paul is trying really hard to get Corey and Nicole over to his and Victor’s side, because that way they’d outnumber Nat and James and Mich. Elsewhere ELSEWHERE, Nat is – rightfully – mad at James for just giving Nicole the comp win, and James says “it is what it is” approximately a million times.