Hello Trash Talkers!
Last week, we watched as Kitty Carter upstaged everyone else, with less than fifteen minutes on the screen. If you missed it, you can catch up by clicking here. Kitty’s antics were a beautiful site to see, because a favorite insult of Kelli’s is to tell someone they are “blending”. The so-called Queen Bees, including Catty Kelli, were simply bitch faces in the background blurred together. The real Queen, the very REAL Kitty Carter, outshined them all, as usual. How I love her for it.
Someone has to humble that snooty little clique, and it’s sure as hell not going to be a candidate.
Kitty provided us with some very thoughtful critiques on the solos. This one went to Too Tall Lindsey:
Tasha walked away with this little gem:
The women interviewed in groups, performed their solos and somehow made it to the field for one last shot at unpaid NFL stardom. Unfortunately, two veterans that I actually liked were cut. Kat was axed because life is unfair. Caila got sent home in spite of years of half-time performance as a Junior DCC and two years as a DCC. It came down to the ultimate deal breaker:
Sure, her interview tanked, but I’ve watched every season’s interview clips. I can tell you some who had equally bad interviews in the past and still made the squad. Right after scandal, it’s their weight issues, real or imaginary, that destroy their chances of making the team.
So here we are, at Day 1 of training camp and no Kitty. Instead, it’s the boring azz candidate intros where the women try to one up each other.
Kelli begins training camp by announcing the latest DCC crisis. Fourth year candidate and squad favorite, Aussie Jinelle, hasn’t returned from her native country yet. She took care of her passport and visa just fine, then disaster struck. She was hospitalized for internal problems right before she flew home:
Don’t worry, she should be back in a week, according to both her and Kelli. She. Cannot. Miss. Training camp!
Now for the boring intros. This is where we’re reminded of Kelli’s obvious favorites, both veterans and rookies. Simone has a pickle phobia. Hahahaha so funny! When Kelli laughs, you better laugh with her. Brennan is an ordained minister. Did anyone catch the bitchface the rookie blonde with the pointy nose was making when Brennan was speaking? Tacky, tacky. She hasn’t even had her little feature spot yet and she thinks those boots are hers already. I hope she’s sent to Kelli’s office for a reality check.
Naturally, Yuko says something in Japanese, then translates it into English for the little people. Supposedly. They don’t know Japanese and neither do I. Yawn. Madeline becomes my episode favorite by unintentionally one-upping Yuko. She introduces herself in ASL. Hahaha. Take THAT, Yuko. Japanese is your first language, and I don’t find it impressive that you are fluent in it. May I add that ASL is not Madeline’s first language, and she’s probably better at it than you are with your English. Besides, somehow I feel American Sign Language will be more useful when communicating with fans than Japanese.
Kelli gives Madeline a warm smile after her intro. That’s how you do it Maddie! This girl is killing it.
Can you tell this Yuko lovefest is really starting to bug me?
Kelli presents the DCC Barbies, given every year to the candidates with the best solos. This event hasn’t been shown since Season 1, if at all. It’s a huge deal. Kelli calls it the DCC Oscar:
Vet Holly and rookies Heather H., Madeline, Cirsten, Allie, Yuko and Mandy are the chosen ones. This is Madeline’s first Barbie in her entire life. She’s so excited, I can see her buying the Barbie Dreamhouse on her way home.
Kelli wraps up her speech by sharing that an attitude will get you cut before your experience will. They do not want cheerleaders who come off as aloof or disinterested. That is something exclusive to the DCC A-listers. The rest of you better wear a smile and kiss ass 24/7, even when Kelli & Judy start in on their snark.
As usual, they feature more rookie candidates. Their stories are doing nothing for me. Heather H., the brunette from Oklahoma with a major overbite, tore her left hip flexor in eighth grade while playing soccer. It kept her from dancing for six months. She was forced to choose between the two. Um, WOW. Let me point out that she did not mention being considered a soccer prodigy. Why is it such a huge deal to give it up? That happened in EIGHTH grade and you’re still walking, so hush.
The Heathers, both H. and O., are friends with Maggie. They are rooming together in some vanilla apartment. Translation: they are not Daddy’s girls.