And we’re off on another episode of Toddlers & Tiaras! Fresh off of last week, Cambrie’s Court and Sassy Supremes are involved in the lamest street fight this side of a junior-high version of West Side Story, there were crying moms, protests about “rigged” pageants, and Kim blaming everyone but herself for her brat-ass daughter’s low scores. Kim even approached Cambrie, who was already relaxing in her flats and jeggings, about switching teams, and luckily for Cambrie she meant coaching teams.
So yeah, I’m looking for someone new to blame for my inability to do anything ever.
In a totally uncool and immature move, Sassy Supremes Coach Jaimie is discussing the Kim situation with other petty moms. Turns out Kim has been telling everyone that she was switching to Cambrie while telling Jaimie all was right in the world. Look, I’m not sure how hard it is to switch coaches, but pull the bandaid off and just do it – you don’t have to announce to everyone and bitch and moan and whine. Of course, this is Kim, and that is pretty much all she has going on in her life.
While you hens are clucking, I’ll be thinking of Miss Cambrie and that sweet ass of hers!
Jaimie explains to us that Sheena, who was the one who said that Jaimie was doing this as a hobby, and who was advising Kim about pageants, used to be on her team 2 years ago. She feels like Sheena is working against her with Kim, which she kind of is.
Mom Katie is hating on Kim and says THEIR team is the POWER team and they all helped Kim, so she really screwed up with them. My guess is they hold a grudge longer than I can, and that is saying something. Kim walks in just in time to hear Katie say,“Bye-bye Felicia,” which doesn’t make sense…who the hell is Felicia? Did anyone else catch that? Did she mean Selyse? Is that some slang that I don’t know because I’m Gen X?
Jaimie sees Kim and runs everyone out of the room for a delicious snack of bottom-bag Cheeto dust and juice boxes so she can have a chat with Kim. Mom Katie and another mom start snickering and seriously, it’s like junior high all over again. No wonder they find fulfillment in being pageant moms – nobody else could stand to be around these bitches.
Kim starts telling Jaimie all this BS about how she felt isolated from the team and favorites were being played, so she didn’t trust anybody which is why she considered switching teams. How about doing YOUR OWN WORK on these damn pageants? Jaimie says she should have come to her first with this problem, because if she doesn’t know about it, she can’t control it. I’ll give her a point for that comment.
Then bitchy moms come back into the room ready for a fight. Kim continues on the trust issue and one of the moms steps forward because she’s had it and says that Kim is causing the problems with Jaimie, with the team, and then says, “Either she goes or I go,” which seems kind of extreme at this point. It didn’t even really involve this lady in the first place!
Like feral cats ready to pounce! And just as klassy!
Over in Vegas, which today is the sanctuary for this episode, Cambrie grabs control of a bunch of noisy girls like she’s about to run a military exercise. It is pretty awesome how she gets them in line in seconds. She congratulates the girls who did well at the previous pageant for their wins, but Cambrie interviews that there was a lot of drama with the moms. “And that’s not going to work.” If you’re like me, you’ve just put Cambrie in the “J’adore” column.
Cambrie addresses the moms and says that she is constantly getting calls from moms about who said what and she’s tired of it. She is not into mama drama, so if any of the moms have a problem with each other, worked it out with each other, not her. Cambrie needs time to hydrate and find a boyfriend and she can’t do either if you are complaining about whose ugly kid beat your ugly kid out for a low title that cost you thousands of dollars and your pride as a breeder.
Shut AND up!
Back with us is Jayliana’s mom, Deb, the Bowhead-Crisis Mom who says these moms need to grow up. And I think we ALL know she is probably at the center of the mama drama because it’s clear that is how this bitch rolls.
Deb says, “Who cares? You win some and you lose some. Practice. Get a better looking kid. Have another baby with a different man, I don’t know. Do what you gotta do to get a cute kid.”
She actually did find one guy willing to bang her, but beer goggles are a powerful aphrodisiac.
OMFG! Her solution to pageant problems is to find a different baby daddy and procreate until you get a good looking kid. This is why Deb is a pageant mom and not a career mom, and why I can assure you there is no man in her life or the one she has is banging a lot of other women. Its his only means of mental survival.