Hey there Trashies! Hope everyone is doing great. This recap is going to be short and sweet… MisRed blew out two discs in her back and is on the verge of commiting harakiri due to pain. And… I’m getting on a plane tomorrow to officiate at my first wedding. Wish me luck! I need drugs.
Where do we begin? Last week, Tamra tried to kill Vicki, much in the way that Shannon killed Vicki’s mom at her BUNCO party. Except Tamra was a failure. And Meghan didn’t go see Vicki in the hospital.
Tammy Sue leaving the hospital in mis-matched socks
The episode opens with Tamra getting wheeled out of the hospital. Nothing is majorly wrong with her, she decides to head back to camp rather than make the 3 hour car ride back to the OC. She calls Heather and Heather says that Vicki is stable and Briana knows about the accident. Tamra feels responsible.
I’ve seen pancakes look more pregnant
Over at Meghan- she and Jim decide to go play some golf with the Beadors. Shannon and David arrive. Meghan tells Shannon she’s pregnant and shows her non-existent baby bump.
Keep your pregnant six-pack to yourself Miss 30 year old!
Shannon is like- if Meghan has a baby bump, I’m currently carrying a 6 month old.
Meghan says that Shannon is as good at golf as her outfit is, meaning neither is good. Shannon then says, in her interview, she may not be winning at golf, but she’s winning the fashion show. Oh Dear.
Meghan tells Shannon about the accident. Shannon is shocked that no one told her- even Meghan waited awhile to tell her.
Speaking of bad wrecks, check out Meghan’s hair
Then Heather calls Shannon to tell her about the accident and to tell her that Vicki is all by herself at the hospital. Both Meghan and Shannon are like “Hmmm… that’s too bad.”
Hmmmm, yeah, we have an appointment to watch paint dry
They ask if Briana is going to be with her or if her Vicki’s son, Michael, is going to see her? Heather is like- we don’t have his number. Yeah, Vicki doesn’t have his number either.
Shannon isn’t sure what Heather is expecting to her to do and why she is expecting Shannon to go see her. Shannon says that Vicki has been “nothing but horrible to me.” The call gets dropped. Heather and Kelly (still in Glamis) are like… why is no one going to see Vicki? Pssst: because Vicki is an a-hole.
Heather calls Shannon back. Heather is like- you don’t understand how gnarly this accident was. Shannon asks how far they are from the hospital? Heather guesses 3 hours. Meghan the modern-day Magellan says, “I did a map quest and it’s only 45 minutes for you to go see her.”
We are both 45 minutes away…except you have to go another hour and a half
Kelly and Heather are like- “it’s only 45 minutes for HER (Meghan) to go see her.” And Meghan is like “It’s 45 minutes for both of us- you guys should go see her- you are her friends.” Kelly and Heather, and Tamra’s mom, who has been sitting there eavesdropping, are all stunned. I have to agree. And they hang up on Meghan and Shannon.
FORE!!!!
Heather texts Meghan saying, “That was uncool.” Meghan is like- WTF? Shannon tells David about Vicki. David is like “Uh, I have to go chase my ball… they should text Brooks to go see her.” Bahahah.
Tammy Sue right at home in the trailer park
Tamra arrives back at camp. Heather tells her she’s never driving with her again. Tamra wants wine. Kelly is like “I thought you were a paraplegic. I thought Vicki is a paraplegic.” Kelly going 0 to 60 in half a second. Tamra just keeps reliving the accident and feels terrible. Heather and Kelly tell Tamra about the exchange with Meghan and Shannon and Tamra is in utter disbelieve.
Yeah, they were dancing naked around the fire, drinking PBRs celebrating Vicki’s death!
Back at Jim’s house, the Beador/Edmonds Brain Trust is gathered around the table rehashing the conversation where Heather implied that they should go see Vicki. Jim is like “Yeah, when Heather called, Kelly was drinking a beer and laughing about the accident.” Bravo replay, yes, Kelly was drinking a beer, but she was not laughing about it.
Hate to defend Kelly… but this doesn’t look like laughter
Not sure where Jim would have gotten that from. It’s weird, normally, he’s so in-tune with everything that’s going on around him and sensitive to everyone’s feelings.
Shannon says it’s hard to gauge the severity of the accident when Heather and Kelly are drinking a beer. Meghan said that she texted Vicki and Vicki texted back with pictures of herself strapped to a backboard, which Shannon refers to as a gurney. No, a gurney is what MisRed uses to get wheeled out of Chuy’s. Shannon is like “Come on! Who claims they are in the hospital so sick and then are taking selfies?” Ok, I do think it’s a little odd that Vicki has pictures and is texting them to Meghan, but it’s not exactly a selfie. Unless, of course Vicki has a 12-foot long, invisible arm we don’t know about.
Vicki’s Orangoutang-Armed Selfie
Jim says he’s going to get involved if Heather doesn’t leave Meghan alone and doesn’t stop giving her a guilt trip about going to see Vicki.
Don’t make Jim get involved…
David is like… Yeah… pass me another chocolate lava cake.
Tamra, Kelly and Heather facetime Vicki. She says her neck is in spasm.
And then Terry came out to City of Hope in the middle of the night to give me an IV...
Tamra says she feels so badly, Vicki is like it’s ok. They feel badly that she is alone. Tamra thanks Heather for keeping everyone calm. Kelly tells Heather that she is the most loving, motherly person she has ever met- and that she is an Angel.
You aren’t the uptight c*nt I thought you were.
Heather is like… I’m not angel. Kelly interviews that she previously thought that Heather was just a stuck up bitch, but not she thinks she’s a stuck up bitch who is extremely good in a crisis situation. Kelly says she misjudged Heather and apologizes to Heather for not liking her previously. They hold hands and then they make out. Just kidding.
Meghan and Shannon talk about Vicki and Meghan says that she went to Vicki and Merv’s house the previous weekend- at which Shannon seems a little surprised. Meghan says that they talked about putting the past behind them, but it’s hard for Meghan because she was so hurt by Vicki. Bravo rehash of Vicki yelling at Meghan last season calling Meghan a “little girl” and that Meghan should “just go away.” Meghan says, it’s really hard for her to forget that. Puhleeeze, Jim says worse to her when she leaves toothpaste in the sink. “When in Rome…” Meghan says it’s hard for her to truly believe that Vicki is really hurt because of all her lies in the past. Shannon says that Vicki was in on a cancer scam and she is not ready to forgive her. And Vicki is a liar.