Last week, Bethenny showed us how well years of TV therapy have worked for her. Sonja revealed that her affair with Tom was as legitimate as her long lost Nigerian uncle and his soccer team. Ramona showed us her Papermate tattoo and the Radaronline articles that will make up part two of her autobiography and Carole regretted coming to the reunion directly from the set of Dr. Quinn: Adderall Connect.
It’s the last part of the reunion and based on their behavior, the women have all been fed and/or spayed.
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Dorinda: I’ve met your kids. The spaying was definitely a better option for you.
Andy opens by reassuring Sonja that she looks great, is funny and a valuable human being although she didn’t drunkenly throw her legs behind her neck once this season. Sonja goes on to explain that she always stops drinking around the holidays.
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Sonja: And I start again just in time for March Hag-ness.
To prove she’s not an addict, she says she’s not addicted. I’m convinced. Luann says she came out of the tailspin and applauds her.
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Clik here to view.Sonja: Funny you should say that; I voiced the character “Baloo” for 6 episodes of TaleSpin.
Everyone continues to say how good she looks like they’re hoping to avoid a Mel Gibson-grade meltdown. They discuss how Bethenny handled Sonja rougher than an island pirate who spent the previous night staring at Luann’s black pearl . Bethenny says that she was too harsh and Dorinda agrees. Sonja, on the other hand, says that she knows how Bethenny is and actually enjoyed being dragged on television. This is a woman who takes power tools to the vag; she’s good! Ramona asks why she launched Tipsy Girl without consulting with Bethenny since she knows so much about her. Well, Sonja came to read like Miss Cleo and reveals that Ramona initially signed on to launch this product. She even has photos and emails of this.
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Dorinda: Why didn’t you bring them?
Sonja: As soon as I get my Blackbery out of the toilet, I’ll reveal everything!
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Ramona: He named it Tipsy Girl because my new boobs were making me fall over.
Ramona says she walked away from the product when she realized Bethenny would tequila-board her with a bottle of SkinnyGirl.
Dorinda is irritated that Bethenny got away with her behavior but Sonja is still angry about being excluded from the Berkshires. Dorinda says Sonja wasn’t in a great state and needed to sort her stuff out.
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Dorinda: Literally. I’ve seen her basement.
Luann: The oil right? There’s so much oil.
Sonja doesn’t believe Dorinda’s apology and is insulted that she was invited to the “dry cleaner party”. Dorinda defends John as having a 55 year old business with 80 employees and 90 cm of the hottest love stick in town. She then spits “Hostess! Hostess! Hostess!” at Sonja over and over. She’s either referencing Sonja’s past career or she has Twinkie based Tourette’s.
Bethenny says that she didn’t care that she wasn’t invited to the dry cleaning party and Sonja needs to reel it in. She probably should have been invited; she could have shown John her plasma covered pillows that poor Kevin had to return to Home Goods for store credit. Bethenny says Sonja was invited because John is used to cleaning up messes.
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Ramona: Good one, boss!
Sonja then storms off saying that Dorinda doesn’t care about her feelings and she doesn’t want to be a part of this show. They all coax her back onto the couch with compliments and promises of spray paint for her patio furniture.
Ugh! Back to Tom and Luann again. Luann was not worried about Sonja and Ramona being at her engagement party because she’s secure and happy.
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“You need an audience to gloat. Am I right?”
Jules has some experience in this area. Out of her bridesmaids, two had dated Michael.
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“One of them still is.”
Luann says even Jacques and the Count will be at her wedding. Jacques will probably call out Rachel’s name while The Count rolls up his last alimony check and presents it to Dorinda with a bedazzled mirror as a thank you. Sonja feels bad about her yacht and ring comments, says she was upset and apologizes.
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Sonja: I am sincerely sorry that you’re marrying a poor man.
Bethenny defends calling Dorinda the village idiot because she feigns ignorance about everything and is the last to know about things. Dorinda says that she’s just hopeful and then does an imitation of what she thinks a village idiot is.
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They recount Bethenny and Carole’s exchange at dinner. Bethenny says Carole is always late and doesn’t value their time. Luann says Carole whimpered but she denies it and says she stood up for herself as everyone talks over her and she whimpers away. Jules says Carole is nicer when Bethenny isn’t there. Carole says she stays the same.
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Carole: I’ve never been nice.
Ramona explains that she was secretive about going to Bagatelle instead of Sandbar because she knew Dorinda would fight. Ramona is at a stage in her life where she prefers to silently piss off her friends. Bethenny and Dorinda bicker about who brow beats their friends the most and Andy says Dorinda and Bethenny both seem angry today.
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Dorinda: I’m not angry. I’m just taking off my earrings before I cut this bitch.
Andy asks the question lots of people want the answer to: when did Bethenny become Pearl from 227? Lengthen her bangs, sit her on a crate and you’ve got Calvin’s grandmother. Bethenny says her pen pal runs in that UES circle and sent her the Tom texts because she thought Tom was a jerk. No one seems to believe her. Andy says that Luann revealed she had an open marriage. She denies ever saying that and then we see footage of her saying it. Then she says they were actually separated which sounds like something she just brow beat another housewife about last episode.