CNN – Rich, Wealthy People Dress Up, Congratulate Each Other, Drink Lots, Take Selfies. Show Biz!
Hey jokers! The Emmys were last night! I didn’t watch. I was knee-deep in a bottle of vodka and busy talking to my pets slash playing Dots & Co. I’m too important for awards shows. But suffice to say the big winners were Veep, Game of Thrones, and Ryan Murphy’s O.J. Simpson Senior Project. Fargo was robbed. The best recap of the night comes from Leslie Jones’ Twitter feed, which includes this gem.
People – Oh God Not Again
Hey, which one of you wise guys out there keeps telling Kelsey Grammer to procreate? Knock it off! Grammer, a talented but cold, unforgiving serial womanizer, is poised to welcome his seventh issue into the world. SEVENTH. Meanwhile, Camille is doing juuuuuuuust fine, fuck you very much.
Page Six – Speaking of Crazy Old Men from the 90s
Here’s Jim Carrey, continuing to act like a beloved, benign lunatic. Good for you, Jim.
TMZ – Here’s a Truly Remarkable Story About Yo Gabba Gabba
And assault. It’s my favorite thing on the internet today.
Radar – Everything is Awful
The internet’s neon pink dumpster fire Radar Online reports that it’s thiiiiisclose to blowing the lid off an A-list actor and the organized pedophilia ring he’s running in Hollywood. This blind item to end all blind items is apparently a “family man,” with children of his own. His hobbies include being rich, little kids, and raping the late Corey Haim. Speculate all you like in the comments, folks. I for one hope that Radar’s not full of shit and someone cracks this can of disgusting worms wide open.
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