Hi Trashies!
The silver paper has fluttered once more and a new champion is chosen, bringing an end to possibly the least eventful Masterchef ever, (Except when Nathan feinted), but I’ve liked one of the guest judges and the increased talkiness of Tosi. How did it go down then?
We started off in familiar territory.
Gordy continues to try and blind me.
I was ready this year with my sunglasses. Of course, there are three this year, and its double ep finale. Don’t let that make you think this is a double length recap, there’s more fatty waste in this than a cheap burger. For a start, there’s a season recap for any wandering lunatic who haven’t watched any of it and decided to sit in and catch up.
Next, is a ‘Visit the finalists whilst at home’ section. So presumably quite a gap between the finale and the last ep.
They truck off to visit Schoolteacher first. Gordy claims its the middle of nowhere, with no phone or GPS signal. He ‘has to rely on the map’. Hello 1990, I missed you. Actually I don’t have GPS or a phone in my car, so I use a map all the time. I’m not preaching, I just waste my money on slightly different irrelevant crap to most people who choose to waste it on phones and gps.
Tosi turns out to be a crap driver, going 32 in a 60 limit. That’s getting close to be being nicked for slow driving! Gordy starts to fray around the edges.
Gordy is Told James Corden is dropping by
They find Schoolteacher, who inspires us with her homespun Kentucky goodness and the revelation that she did Masterchef for herself but also secretly for all of us who want to make something of our lives. I’ll be expecting my cut of the win then.
We could have asked all this over the phone you know
They move on to Pokerface. His daughter is called Leliana? Isn’t that a character from Dragon Age Origins? Bit weird. Better than calling her Kara Zor-El or Zelda. The last stop is also in Vegas, its Vegas Baby! Clearly neither he nor PokerFace need the money, not that that changes anything.
The contestants enter the Arena of Death. I could care less who wins. I know the correct grammatical term is ‘I couldn’t care less’ as ‘I could care less’ means I have capacity to care less, but y’know, I could care less.
Gaze On Us In Awe For We Are Your Gods.
Daniel Bouloud (Im not looking up the spelling) and Wolfgang Puck appear, introduced as Culinary Gods. If I was a God, I wouldn’t waste my time on Masterchef finales. Far too many people needing a thunderbolt surprise to waste time on cooking. Ahem. So two extra judges. Presumably as Tosi doesn’t know jack shit about savory cooking. Seems sensible enough.
The families are wheeled on, Manny The Fireguy makes a sinister statement that only of them is leaving the kitchen alive and they’re off to gather ingredients. This is where the show grinds to a halt, as its ‘watch people cooking’ from here on in. The eliminated contestants give us their opinions, and as important as it is to listen to losers, I didn’t.
The chefs describe their starters / appetizers before cooking. They have one hour to cook. The judges discuss each dish, and ‘if they can pull this off’ is the upshot for each one. There’s some pomposity from Pokerface, but nothing else.
Judging! 20 mins in. Yet there are 60 more mins of program to watch. (excluding ad breaks).
Pretty
Schoolteachers is a Bourbon crispy pork belly, parsnip puree and a rhubarb glaze, and a butternut squash. Daniel starts to say that its fine to mix the two together and Gordy interrupts him in French. He basically says its not classical form to do it, and the actual French chef is willing to forgo classical technique as it works. Gordy is a food purist and does not like Deviation. I do like to mock the French as much as possible, but really that means I quite like them. Its Gordy here who is being a dick he had no need to switch to French and it clearly rattles Schoolteacher. Daniel and Wolfgang like it, Gordy refuses to like the puree, although he is impressed by the pork and rhubarb bit.
David has cured salmon, salmon roe and caviar, filo pastry and a quail egg.
Stringy.
A sort of fishy Moco Loco? It dawns on me now that having Daniel and Wolfgang along is an excellent idea. It sidelines Tosi a bit, who makes one comment and then shuts up, but that is due to the relative experience of the other three chefs. It frees up Gordy to be as cocky as he likes, because Daniel and Wolfgang are happy to openly agree/disagree with him, and vice versa. There are an unusual amount of criticisms this year, with the filo pastry being argued over just like Schoolteachers puree.