Hi, Trashiis! I’m back for the quickest turnaround recap I have ever written on this site (I think). Hope you enjoy!
Maci
Taylor plays baseball with Bentley outside their house, while Maci is visited by her friend Keelie. Maci puts her daughter in the most adorable car baby walker thing. She’s been slowly organizing her things to move to the new house so she doesn’t go into labor. Keelie offers her help, and Maci recognizes that she could ask for it. Keelie asks about wedding planning, and Maci tells her about the venue they found, but it’s $20,000 just for the rental, which is fucking outrageous. Her producer asks her what she would be willing to pay, and Maci says she is looking for $10,000, which is still ridiculous.
Jayde’s looking a little pregnant herself.
Maci is still working like a fiend on moving stuff, and Taylor drops by to ask for updates on the wedding venue. She says she is negotiating the price down. Taylor suggests eloping, and Maci says that their parents would disown them if they tried. Meanwhile, Ryan’s dad tells him he needs a lady. He and his family talk babies and Maci’s wedding. You can tell Jenn really wishes her son wasn’t such a piece of shit that she lost out on having a daughter-in-law like Maci. He’s planning on attending, but isn’t sure Maci will even invite him. I know Maci will invite Ryan’s parents, but I am equally unsure about Ryan. He wishes it were somewhere more exciting than Florida and says weddings are fun parties. You know you’re a man-child when…
Is Ryan actually drinking water straight from the tap mid-conversation with his family?
Maci says she reached out to the wedding venue offering half of their rental rate, and they never got back to her. Good try fighting the Wedding Industrial Complex, Maci, but that shit doesn’t work. I know, because my sister is getting married soon, and the most generous discount I have ever seen offered is $500 (for a $15,000 rental). They’ve decided to postpone the wedding, because Maci knows her time on MTV won’t be forever, so she can’t set her money on fire for a wedding.
Jayde finds it unbelievable that this guy is her father.
Maci gets an email from the wedding venue, and they very coincidentally find out that the venue will now accept their lower price. How convenient! Who wants to bet that MTV promised them some sweet publicity, because if there’s no wedding, Maci’s plotlines are kinda boring for TV. People aren’t clamoring to watch a well-adjusted former teen mom, you know? Maci is overwhelmed by their gigantic families and groups of friends. The producer asks if it’s weird that they will be inviting Maci’s ex. Taylor has seen enough of the early episodes to now that Maci will be swayed by Ryan when hell freezes over, so he’s pretty chill about it.
You know you’ve won when the wedding venue gives YOU a wedding gift.
Farrah
Farrah calls her dad, and he tells her to be open-minded since she doesn’t have good relationship models to know what a healthy relationship looks like. Farrah shuts that shit down, telling her dad she is hella open-minded (implied: I did porn and there are sex toys of me out there, Michael!). Farrah starts “getting ready” to go see her therapist even though she is already wearing a head-to-toe sequined, plunging neckline jumpsuit and a face full of makeup. She wants to know if she and Simon or compatible for marriage, because she has no time to wait around for him to decide.
This is how I dress for all my therapy appointments.
Farrah meets Simon at her therapist office. Dr. Jenn wants to know where they are in their relationship, and Farrah says that Simon is sending mixed messages. Simon looks completely blitzed out of his mind. Simon reiterates that it’s hard to talk to her when she’s upset. Farrah says she doesn’t understand, and that sometimes he just calls and calls nonstop and she picks up to ask what he wants, and Dr. Jenn interrupts to say that saying that is super fucking hurtful. Farrah is incredulous. Dr. Jenn gets real very quickly, telling Farrah that she must not have any idea how horribly she comes across when she talks to him. Farrah says she isn’t trying to push him away, but Dr. Jenn pushes back, saying that she does all the time. I don’t think this is going like Farrah hoped, so she changes the subject to the engagement ring she bought herself, complaining that Simon never proposed. Dr. Jenn is not sure how she expected to be proposed to when she picked and bought the ring herself with no involvement from Simon. Dr. Jenn must be channeling the audience right now. Farrah starts crying, seeing as the validating conversation she expected is not happening, and walks out to hide in the restroom.
Yup, that’s the right expression.
Farrah makes her way back to the therapist’s office as Simon continues his conversation. She says she is frustrated with Simon for talking about the future without a solid commitment. Dr. Jenn tells him that you can’t promise shit to a woman that you’re not going to follow through with. Oh, Dr. Jenn, you were doing so well. Now that the conversation is turning around, Farrah piles on more complaints about him, like how he doesn’t help with Sophia. Dr. Jenn says she shouldn’t involve Simon with Sophia until the relationship is solid. Too late. Sophia is already in love with Simon. Dr. Jenn says she gets the impression that they do care about each other, which is surprising to everyone. She tells Farrah she needs to stop getting so fucking aggressive with people when she’s upset. But Dr. Jenn, Farrah never gets upset, don’t you know?
Yeah, Dr. Jenn, it’s “clear” these two “love” each other.
Simon and Farrah get manicures together. Of fucking course he’s a dude who’s into manicures. At least pedicures have cool massage chairs, but manicures aren’t all that pleasant. They talk about resetting their relationship, but Farrah wants to be married right away. Farrah seems like a vision board type of lady.
Getting this manicure is the happiest we’ve seen Simon so far.
Farrah’s next stop requires her to dress like Jessica Rabbit.
Amber
Amber and Matt hang out with a neighbor couple of theirs, Wayne and Annette. They will be playing the roles of their sassy black friends the producers literally pulled off the street to talk to them. Wayne doesn’t believe that Amber grew up poor, because he hasn’t seen early episodes of the show. The next day, Amber is nervous about being able to get the house they want. She’s never been in an upper class environment before. Leah is on vacation with Gary, which means Amber won’t be seeing her at all. Matt and Amber get a call from their realtor notifying them that the seller accepted their offer. Matt wonders if Amber ever saw herself buying a house in one of the nicest neighborhoods in Indianapolis. Whoa, dream big!
The comfortable body language of very close friends.
Meanwhile, in Florida, Leah is putting on a beauty mask and pretending to be a mime for her sister and stepmother. Gary and his brother-in-law are fishing. I love that Gary’s clothing choices are basically interchangeable. You will never see him not wearing a cap, t-shirt, and shorts (I believe he wore that to his wedding to Kristina. Klassy.) Kristina’s brother wants to know if Matt and Amber are married, and Gary plays like he doesn’t expect by-the-minute updates from Amber. He says he wants to focus on his relationship with Kristina and make her feel special, like that time he eloped with her so he could secure custody of his daughter. He wants to organize a vow renewal. Has it even been a fucking year since they got married? What the fuck needs renewing that quickly? Was your wedding ring a henna tattoo or something? Gary is so focused on doing this right that he bought his first ever long sleeves button down shirt. There’ a guy you know hasn’t worked a real job ever.
I didn’t know they made birth control containers for kids!
Amber goes to a furniture store so that they can buy everything they need that same day. The shop is covered in knick-knacks that Matt, another perpetual man-child on this show, goes completely bananas over. These include a fake bowl of cereal that he desperately wants to get for Leah, and a plaque for his “office” that has curse words on it.
I hate it when MTV tries to be funnier than me.
Back in Florida, Gary is running a quick rehearsal of the vow renewal. His mother is there, and he is dressed in a button down as promised, over cargo shorts and sneakers, topped with another cap. There was an attempt, I guess. He yells at Leah to get Kristina, and she is wearing a white sundress, which suggests it was totally not that big of a surprise. Leah makes her close her eyes and walks her down to the still-populated beach that they will be having the ceremony at. Kristina is overcome with emotion at the thought that Gary put an ounce of effort into anything. The emotions must have clouded her thoughts, because she calls this her dream wedding. I know that my dream wedding wouldn’t involve cargo shorts or my mother-in-law wearing a strapless dress, that’s for fucking sure. Gary makes a speech, and Kristina calls Gary a great father and her rock. Are we sure she’s not looking at her brother when she says that? These words don’t seem to apply to Gary.
I would cry, too, if I was surprised with this scene, but maybe for different reasons than Kristina.
Amber and Matt are moving immediately, with the help of their “friend” Wayne. The dogs run amok in the neighborhood while the move is going on. The house is huge, though a smidge smaller than Maci’s. It has a playground in the backyard. Amber feels awkward living in this neighborhood, across the street from a prosecutor, because she feels like an outsider.
Dammit where did I go wrong in life.
Then again…
Catelynn
Tyler feeds Nova and worries that she’s forgetting he mom, because he keeps reminding her to say Mama. The producer asks her how things have been going. Catelynn’s been gone for two weeks, and Tyler is losing it. He’s dropping by that weekend to visit, but they have very restrictive visitation rules. The new house is still a work in progress, and Tyler is worried about the effect his stress will have on Catelynn when she gets back.
Nova questions Tyler’s feeding abilities.
Later, Catelynn calls Tyler and he tries to make Nova talk on the phone with her mom. It works not all well, but it’s still cute. Tyler is chasing Nova around while he’s on the phone with Catelynn because that baby can get herself in trouble. Catelynn says she’s sick of the place and wants to go home, but Tyler reassures her that he will see her soon. She still feels like a fuck up for having to leave the family. It kills me that Tyler wants to be a writer when he uses double negatives so often. Oh, and we never see him write. Nova starts crying, which cuts short the conversation.
The fuck is this?!
Tyler packs for his visit to Catelynn, and Catelynn’s therapist Kathleen comes over. He tells her that Catelynn cries every time they talk on the phone. Kathleen tells him to reassure her that he’s not going anywhere. Nova is not cool with all this conversation happening without attention coming to her. Later, we get to see Tyler artfully change Nova’s diapers in the middle of an airport, which is pretty impressive.
Catelynn’s therapist is rather comfortable at their house.
MTV wasn’t allowed to film the visit, so all we get after this is a montage of pictures of the three of them together. Tyler was amazed that Catelynn didn’t cry when they said goodbye. Nova is shirtless in a bunch of the photos and in the car ride back for some reason.
I’m dying of cuteness overload!
Tyler and Nova are back in Michigan, and Tyler’s mom comes over. While their talking, Tyler tells his mom where to stand to frame a better shot. Wow. She asks after Catelynn, and they rehash all the reasons why Catelynn decided to go for treatment. While they talk, Nova starts making out with one of the dogs. I love that the MTV crew has no issues filming shit like this. Tyler starts crying as he talks about Catelynn, and his mom starts crying, too. Nova is crawling through the furniture, totally ignored.
Still a better love story than Gary and Kristina… and Twilight.
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