Hey Guys!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG Survivor is back!!!!!! Thank the CBS Reality Gods. Survivor is my first true reality TV love. I started watching it during Survivor Thailand and recording it on my VHS tapes every week to watch with my dad and brother. It was the first reality show I was allowed to watch. Later, I caught up on the seasons I missed and haven’t stopped since (well except for one season). To prepare for this premiere, I binged like 3 of my favorite seasons to get in the mood. AKA I watched Fans v Favorites for Eliza jury faces, Cagayan because it is one of the best seasons of the show ever, and Heroes v Villains because that season was cray cray. Ok sorry I got sidetracked. I’m just soooo excited to be recapping my first full season of Survivor (I only took the last half of last season after we lost the wonderful CMint). Ugh I’m still mad about Michelle winning over Aubry.
Anyways we are here for Season 33: Millennials v Gen X and I have to say. THIS CAST IS PRETTY AMAZING. Lots of interesting people so far and lots of crazy to go around. I have some strong opinions about some of the producer decided plot points of the first episode but we will get there when we get there.
We open with our favorite/tolerable never shut the fuck up Jiffy Probst narrating the premise of the show. Spoiler: He is still soooooo annoying. But he is more sassy then ever this season so that is something. Still as a ProTip mute during the challenges. It saves your sanity.
Just leave him there and fly in Parvati to host. Kthanks
We are quickly introduced to some people on the Millenials Tribe first
Mari – AKA GamerGirl is a professional video game player (Dr. Jewps’ dream slacker job)
Zeke – RAINBOW ALERT – My first impression of him is that he is a pretentious hipster gay who is trying way to hard
Jay – Sums up the Millenials tribe in one face – just annoying garbage
Also we meet some Gen X
Sunday – Really that’s your name?
David, David, David – just wait. I’m writing this recap on my second view for once and all I can do is just shake my head at him
Welcome to Survivor!!!!
Jeff quickly divides the cast into their respective age groups and then proceeds to call out the youngest player TroutyMouth Brad
Bloop Blooop
And Papa Smurf here is the oldest
Papa Smurf here talks about how the Millennials don’t have to work to win and get by. They don’t know the value of hard work
Yesssss we have a sassy black girl making faces at all of this. I feel I will be screen capping you a lot
So right off the bat, Jeff says that there are supplies scattered throughout the forest for the teams to collect and bring back to camp. WTF???? What is this garbage. Part of what made the early seasons so good is that we had to watch them try and survive. Gervase eating the rat in Season 1 was TV gold. Now the producers just give them food and supplies. Ugh. Sorry end rant. I just think its stupid. Now I understand why they did it. They wanted to introduce the new twist this season.
Something smells fishy about this challenge. yuck yuck yuck
Derp Derp I worked hard for this envelope – no participation trophy needed
There is literally the dumbest collection montage of all time so I’m not gonna recap it. I mostly just mad at the whole “challenge”.
We first meet up with Millennials back at camp. Everyone on the tribe is super pumped. We meet up with some of the other youngins on the tribe such as Bartender Figgy, Crazy Aztec Tights Michelle, Jew Hannah (shout out to the other kind of Tribemate), Taylor who talks like with a really like heavvvvy surfer accent dude (ugh I instantly hate him) and really man pretty and seemingly kind Adam
Swooon
Taylor is like totally radical on this one dude with like crazy awesome hair (Jay) and is gelling like really well with Figgy because I find her like totally pretty and rad. They both try and start a fire and AzTights suggests using pocket lint or hair. They decide to zero in on her rat tail Jedi Braid
Yay cultural references justifying my terrible hair choices
Zeke instantly becomes my favorite by interviewing that he doesn’t dress like he’s at the youngins parade but like he belongs in a retirement home and that he’s and 80 year old man. Bwahahaha. He’s just annoyed already because no one has ever had a real job before and has ADD
We next switch over to the GenX ers and Papa Smurf decides to make this huge speech about how he is glad to get put with the Gen X tribe and its kinda sweet and caring. BUT THEN!!! Some other guy we have never met before (and lists his profession as model???) swoops in and makes the conversation super uncomfortable for everyone
But we gotta be careful, they are thinkers and way more fit than us
Ummm who let this guy speak and why is he talking shit on us?
Apparently this model dude has also lived the past 5 years off the grid in Maui living in the woods or something and knows exactly how to set up camp. UGH. I find him pretentious already. Also, his name is Ken. Which is the perfect segue for me to call him Douche Barbie all season.