Welcome back to Drag Race All Stars, kids! Mrs. LikeaLady has been down for the count this past week due to what I’m fairly sure is a super flu/one person epidemic. But never fear, I have returned to near acceptable health and to make up for it, this recap will be a two-fer to get us all caught up after the pisser that was last week and the crazy that was last night. So strap in (and on) for some fabulousness!
Previously on: Our god of everything wigs and contouring decided to mess with the remaining queens by placing them on the front side of a two-way mirror while they bitched about the eliminated girls, while on the backside (hehe) all of the eliminated girls listened to the bitching and looked angry enough to pop a corset. It is revenge time for our eliminated girls. Especially for Alyssa Edwards.
WHOOPS
Alyssa needs to be a “bouty bouty bitch” (Phi Phi says most things better than I can) instead of acting incredulous and sooo confused as to how she possibly could be eliminated. Because the judges hated her shit and that was the deal they made, perhaps?
The challenge of the week: Paired up stand up comedy. The twist is that the top two of the eliminated queens get to eliminate someone and also earn the right to come back. The audience for the show will be Drag Race alums with the most discerning taste.
Everyone pairs up. Except the old step-queen Roxxxy, who gets to work solo as the MC and also has the possibility to win. Yikes. This is so complicated. I did not come here for thinking and understanding a game.
The luckiest bitch of them all.
Alyssa for some reason chose to be with Alaska, the one who eliminated her. Alyssa claims the purpose behind this decision is to prove herself to Alaska and NOT to tank Alaska to punish her for daring to betray the one great Alyssa. Definitely NOT.
The queens head off to practice their comedy routines. The judges are Chelsea Peretti, the Captain Holt assistant of the year on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and also Ross Matthews. Ross implores them to discover a joke. You know, a joke. Like the words that come out of your mouth that makes other humans laugh. Insert deadpan HERE.
Please be my life coaches?
And now it is time for Phi Phi and Alyssa to hash out their fued. I’m sorry did I say hash out? I meant Phi Phi not accepting anything and definitely being jealous of Alyssa and ending the whole thing in the most awkward and bitchy hug the world over.
Alyssa and Phi Phi: Like Obama hugging Donald Trump.
Roxxxy opens the act with some banter that involved more stumbling and falling face forward over words than it probably should have had.
Phi Phi O’Hara- just not great.
Phi Phi and Coco just weren’t funny. They sounded like drama students, forced to do an act that they hated and was also not a comedy.
Alyssa and Alaska went over well. Katya and Ginger Minj were also funny. Roxxxy notably bombed. It’s never a great sign when people in the audience announce that they are all done listening to you.
Our winners for the week are Alyssa, Detox, Tatiana, and Alaska. Phi Phi and Roxxy are on the bottom. And confusingly, Ginger and Coco are eliminated due to not being in the top and being already having been eliminated weeks ago.
Phi Phi refuses to beg Alyssa for her spot. Alyssa nearly dies of being high on the power of being the bitch that makes the decision again. She is the BOSS.
BOW DOWN BITCHES
ON YOUR KNEES
The lip sync is the best yet, in my humble vintage Rihanna loving opinion (Shut Up and Drive). To makes us all happy (and some people REAL PISSED OFF), BOTH Tatiana and Alyssa are allowed back into the competition. In yet another twist, they both also have the power to vote someone off. Nothing but twists. Alyssa chooses Phi Phi and Tatiana also boots Phi Phi off.
Phi Phi snubs Alyssa by refusing a good-bye/f-u hug and then that commenting mistakes can be learned from. Excellent explanation! On to episode 2!
Previously on: See above.
This show is seriously so much fun. Last episode, I felt the need to dance along and the football Saturday cocktails haven’t even been poured yet (yes, on one TV there is Drag Race and on another there is football, our house makes the most sense of all houses).
The activity this week will be butt-butt golf. Played with half naked men. And ball clubs hanging… in the usual place balls hang. But lower.
I love that this is on television
America is already great again.
A good modeling contract includes sexual harassment waivers. I assume.
Apparently more footage of this harassment/heavenly butt-butt golf is available on Logotv.com.