Hello Trash Talkers! I am over Kelli and Judy dragging everything out this season. Let’s jump right in and get things moving.
Here’s a little refresher of the previous episode. Country singer Kacey Musgraves made a “surprise” visit, arranged by Kelli, to inspire the cheerleaders to become better performers. The reality of it was that Kacey has a new boot line for Lucchese, the official designer of the DCC boots. Her special guest appearance allowed her to do some shameless product placement. She gave Kelli and Judy some new boots to model, threw in some critiques on a few rookies, and left. Annoying scene, yes, but it was far better than any time spent with Melissa.
Lindsey’s world class exit.
Several rookies were called out at rehearsals during the episode, but in the end, Jackie and Lindsey were the ones sent away. Jackie’s eyes remained unfocused until the very end. Lindsey’s cut was about more than her dance style, but it’s obvious she didn’t see it that way. There were no tantrums. Both women left with a reasonable amount of dignity, by MTT standards, that is.
The newest episode begins on the set of the cameo shoot. Some of the women look extremely nervous. This is a fun day for people like Mandy and Erica, who can do no wrong in the eyes of the DCC. Weight can be an issue for some vets in their photographs. However, the rookies, outside of the obvious favorites, have more to worry about than their figures. Past seasons have proven that certain facial flaws can suddenly become a concern when cameos are taken. Gummy smiles, for example, equal a one way ticket back to Mom and Dad’s and a summer of fry making at Dairy Queen. It’s that serious. The women immediately assume the iconic DCC cameo pose when it’s their turn in front of the camera:
Kelli begins to laugh and mock the DCC pose. She cannot take any more of it. Well, sister, you’re the one responsible for the last two decades of it. You probably invented it. I’ll give you your moment though:
Check out Danielle’s pose in the poster behind her.
Kelli sets her loopiness aside and gets back to business. They need to put an end to that hideous cameo pose that she refuses to take responsibility for… IMMEDIATELY! This is what she comes up with:
Hmm. Was Judy involved in the decision making process here?
Allie’s body remains an issue. She’s leaner (and it’s what, two days since she was fitted for her uniform?) but her square figure is still a problem. Kelli and Judy need to accept it, or let her go. Poor Allie. Bethany’s eyes remain frozen in a bloodshot stare in every single photograph. What a waste. It amazes me that she can maintain her killer body, yet she can’t figure out how to soften her eyes. Khalyn surprises Kelli, who didn’t think she was going to be so photogenic. Amy, Kyndall and Kelsey also impress. Celinda’s pictures are labeled “cute.” Kelli says that she isn’t dynamic enough across the board, which is a concern. Tess, whose hair keeps changing in every episode, struggles the most. Her pose reminds me of a saggy scarecrow. She’ll be called into the office for a one and done this episode, unless she can somehow make up for it, starting now.
The shoot ends, and it’s a new day. Melissa Rycroft is the star of the next scene. Cringe. She’s checking in on Yuko. Kelli told her that she was really upset during their last office meeting. She’s homesick. Blah, blah, blah. Didn’t we cover all that last week? Yuko is staying with DCC alumna, Natalie Woods Stanyer. She and Melissa were on the squad together a decade ago. I remember when she was featured in one of the earliest seasons:
Full stop. The show just revealed that Yuko’s been living with Natalie through the entire audition process. I am LIVID! Is this not a conflict of interest here? I realize there are rookies who have roomed with vets. This is a different situation. Natalie’s been off the squad for a decade and is close to a judge, show regular and Kelli confidante. It’s not like they were friends before auditions or went to school together. Yuko knows no one, remember? Yet here she is, in a former DCC and friend to Melissa Rycroft’s very lovely home. I consider this a very shady DCC move.
Okay, so they make their own rules, but I wish that reality had remained hidden. Now I’m testy all over again.
Luv the Natalie Woods cameo!
Melissa has an interpreter with her, so Yuko can’t miss any useless advice. She wants to know if Yuko is happy here. Really, Melissa? Yuko surprises me when she admits that she isn’t. No, Yuko is not happy, in spite of the constant tush kisses from the DCC VIP’s and the gorgeous, free accommodations. Not that it isn’t obvious or anything. Melissa tells us her heart is broken. Such a phony. I cannot believe Natalie is friends with this person. She was such a sweet, genuine person when she was on the squad. Has she changed, like the once lovable Shy Guy? I am thrilled that she looks exactly like she did while she was on the squad. Even better than Melissa. She is stunning.
Jinelle makes a surprise visit. I wouldn’t be surprised if Charlotte dropped by later, at this point. Jinelle understands all about visas and foreign countries. She’s also Yuko’s group leader. Jinelle gives Yuko a genuine hug, which lifts her spirits. Melissa silently gives herself all of the credit for Yuko’s newfound happiness. She films her and Jinelle performing a routine in the living room to wrap up her mostly plastic performance. Touching.
Later on that day, we meet outside for our first rehearsal of the episode. The women are doing the very frightening jump split for the first time. Kelsey’s not overly confident about it. Joining us is Melissa, because two bitch faces aren’t enough for one rehearsal.
The women break into groups to perform their jump splits. Those who have not done it before are told to do it alone. Kelsey and Cersten manage respectable ones. Bethany, who somehow manages to stick around through every episode, does this:
What the hell? After that fall, Bethany doesn’t even turn to check on the women next to her. I don’t see her apologizing either. Um, hello! You put everyone in serious danger with that f-ck up, lady. Would it be that difficult to say you are sorry? Something about her reminds me of Emily.
There are others who are called out. Emily’s kicks are high, but she is using the wrong technique. Again, the same criticism they give her EVERY week and every year she’s auditioned. Judy doesn’t know what Kelsey is doing. Kelli says she’s out of control. She calls Celinda out in her talking head for not consistently performing with strength and power. Eventually, there’s no longer enough light to rehearse in the extreme heat and humidity. Kelli moves them back inside to the rehearsal studio. Unfortunately, it isn’t soon enough to save Celinda’s hair, which is now a frizzy, damp, mess.
Beware of Melissa’s knife collection, Yuko.
Once they move inside, Melissa forces Yuko into a sorority hug. She wants her to know that she did really well at their rehearsal outside. Kelli noticed it too. More hugs and pixie dust follow. Yuko is appreciative, but I doubt she has any idea how good she has it. I haven’t seen anything like it since Cassie Trammell, and Judy more than paid her dues for that one.
The rookies perform their routines while Melissa makes ugly faces and K&J critique.
Kelli’s feedback:
Bethany is boring right out of the gate
Celinda has moments where she she wants to look at her…
Then others, where she finds it too painful to watch:
Judy’s comments for the rookies:
Amy has great energy and power, but she’s got to clean up her mistakes. Brennan, who I have been trying to identify for the past two episodes (but too lazy to put too much effort into it), is making mistakes non-stop. She’s easy to forget, in my opinion, because she looks so similar to the vanilla Heather O., nose bump and all. Kelli’s never seen Brennan make so many mistakes at once. She tells her it’s because they’ve stripped away the vets. The editing is pretty choppy, and suddenly we are sitting on the floor, with Kelli calling people into her office. The unfortunates are Brennan and Celinda.
This one finally gets a name, along with some quality time in Kelli’s office.
Brennan’s summoned to the office first. Kelli tells her that she scared her tonight, because she messed up on a simple sequence. Here come the tears. They aren’t major, but Brennan start to cry a little while she talks. Tonight just got to her. Kelli is sympathetic. She understands that the women are under so much pressure at this point. Brennan promises them that she has so much more to show them if they will give her the opportunity. They do, which works for me. She seems sweet and she held it together fairly well in the office. Now about Celinda…..
She tells Kelli she’s a little shocked that she’s in the office. They’ve given her positive feedback at different rehearsals. That is, until the past two episodes, when they realized they couldn’t afford to fix her teeth. Heather Hamilton’s overbite will cost a fortune, but she’s a much better dancer. Priorities, people. Kelli agrees that she’s had power throughout the entire process. Unfortunately, they have major concerns. Judy’s noticed memory mistakes. Kelli tells Celinda that she’s done a great job. Here it comes. She’s sorry to disappoint her but it’s her last night. Celinda makes a small attempt to convince Kelli to let her stay, but she doesn’t beg. Points for that one. Kelli says that she doesn’t hold her attention. That is something she may be able to get from more experience performing, along with more variety in her dance training. There’s hope.
Celinda, who takes her Southern manners seriously, thanks Kelli and Judi for the experience. Then she makes a calm, composed exit. Unfortunately, when she hits the locker room, she bursts into tears. She remains upset, but poised. She says that things happen for a reason. Celinda hugs the other rookies goodbye. I almost like her after that, horrible highlights and all.
The next day brings us to Show Group auditions. The Show Group performers are a select group of the best DCC’s. I believe both vets and rookies are expected to audition. I don’t remember if it’s a requirement. The judge’s panel consists of Anthony Ramos (not again!), Neal, Kitty, Judy and Michael, from Hello! Texas. The women perform routines in groups first. Then they get the opportunity to show off their numerous talents on their own. There are some wonderful moments and my personal favorites, the terrible ones. Unfortunately, KaShara wins the worst out of the vets:
Stop it, KaShara. No one wants blood all over the stage.
Emily bombs the lyrical group routine. Heather O.’s show off moment is a sloppy mess. Jessika is completely left behind by her group in another. The rockstars are Holly, Melissa, Erica and Madeline. Poor Jinelle nearly blacks out after her jump split. She hadn’t practiced one since her surgery. Instead, she was forced into participating in a lame scene with Melissa, when she could have used her precious time preparing for auditions.
The judges deliberate. Kitty loves Mandy, like the rest of the planet. Neal likes Kelli Quinn. Most of the judges agree, except for Michael. He likes Jinelle and calls her energetic and fierce. Neal does his frowny face and gives Jinelle a NO. Judy agrees that it wasn’t her best, but she’s been sick. She knows she is a Show Group member. Anthony says there were better people. Judy rips into him with a simple glare of the evil eyes. YES! Loved the dismissive hand motion she gave him as well. Do not invite this one back. What does a style correspondent know about performance skills? Hell, he can’t even style Kelli. Go away, little man and take your bad hair with you.
We arrive at the studio, for the last rehearsal of week five. The first order of business is Show Group. A congratulations is in order for these ladies:
Just in case you missed it the first time:
Kelli grants the Show Group women a few minutes of happiness. Then she introduces the guest of the evening, brought in to raise the women’s performance level. It’s the real HBIC, Kitty Carter! Doesn’t she look charming this evening?
I’d offer her a shot or two, but these women deserve Kitty at her finest. I am sick of vets who are out of shape and rookies who cannot even KICK. Kitty orders the rookies and vets to form lines and dance across the floor. She yells at them that they are correct thinking she does it to make fun of them. That’s because they don’t know what the hell they are doing. Then she laughs to us about how she loves to do it, because they hate it.
She gets right next to Cersten’s ear and loudly tells her it is NOT sparkle time. She yells at Emily about her hips. This is NOT a strip club! Her advice to Bethany is to “QUIT PAINTING WITH YOUR ARMS!” This is what this episode needed. Hell, this is what EVERY episode needs. Kelli leans in and tells Judy that Emily and Bethany are the worst ones tonight.
Judy has the women perform the routines in groups. Kitty says that at this point, they better have a good explanation if they haven’t perfected everything by now. She seats herself next to Kelli, while the women perform. Kitty’s opinions of the rookies are brief and on point. She says Amy just looks odd. Brennan is nailing the choreography, but she has no facial expression. Bethany may have long legs, but she looks terrified while she performs. Naturally, she finds it necessary to demonstrate what she means by this to Kelli:
The women finish their routine. Immediately, Judy and Kelli launch into a round of criticisms. Amy didn’t perform as powerfully as she normally does. Kelli tells Brennan to watch her smile. Bethany has got to perform closer to the floor. Same goes for Tess. Kitty has them both get in a grand plié position and walk forward with their heels. That is where they need to be when they perform. It’s punishment for being blessed with height:
Kitty, Judy and Kelli decide to have a private talk about the rookies. Kitty tells them she’s going to help them decide some things. They go to Kelli’s office and pull out the audition photos. All of the women agree that Bethany can go. The obvious women in question are Kelsey, Amy, Allie and Emily. Kelli isn’t ready to say goodbye to Kelsey. Kitty says that she is gorgeous, but she cannot dance. Allie’s body is her biggest issue. Kitty thinks Emily performed well in the hip-hop routine. Kelli likes Amy, but Kitty cannot picture her in the DCC uniform. She’s an unfinished product. Kelli argues that she is closer to DCC ready than Allie. Kitty disagrees. The women call Amy and Allie into the office.
I wonder if Amy realizes exactly how valuable the poster right next to her is.
Kelli immediately asks Amy what she does outside of the DCC. Amy tells her that she dances. She isn’t working at the moment. She wants to commit every second to her fifth year audition before she begins to look for a job again.
Kitty wants to know what Allie does besides practice, starve and workout. She just received her degree in Kinesiology. She’s decided that she wants to become a dentist. She’s going to apply to dental schools in the spring and start classes in the fall after that. She plans on being a DCC long-term while she attends school. Kelli puts the women on the spot and asks them if they don’t make the team, would they try out again next year. Allie says she would. Amy disappoints me by crying. She doesn’t even want to think about it, since it’s her fifth audition. She’s twenty-seven! She doesn’t have that many cheerleading years left.
Please. Stop. Crying.
Pull yourself together, Amy. You have had years to learn how to suck it up for the camera. Kelli asks her who she danced for last year. Amy tells her that she was an Allen Ice Angel. Kelli takes on a lighter tone and tells them all she wanted to do was talk! They are free to go.
Kelli turns to Kitty and says that neither one of them failed their little pop quiz. Kitty compliments the two rookies by saying they both look better up close, than far away. Nice. The meeting has left Amy scared that it’s cut time for her. Kelli congratulates the rookies for making it to the end of week five. I am prepared for about three office visits. When Bethany is the only name called, I am floored.
Kelli begins the conversation as usual. She asks Bethany how she feels. Bethany responds that she’s ready to discuss exactly what her future with the DCC is. Kelli tells her that she’s tall and beautiful, with beautiful kicks. She wanted her to do well. Unfortunately, her facial expressions and body placement in her dancing does not meet their expectations. She does not perform with ease. Bethany immediately says she can fix those things. Kelli firmly repeats that tonight is her last night. Bethany thanks them, then walks behind Kelli’s desk for not just one, but two hugs. Judy seems much more enthused about it than Kelli:
Not too close, Bethany!
Bethany may be out, but there are many more cuts to be made. Will Judy and Kelli wait until the final hour to cut the remaining rookies? Next week’s preview shows her ripping the rookies apart.
So Trash Talkers, did Bethany deserve to be sent home? Who’s ready to mock the cameos? Let me know what you thought of the ep. Until next week, Trash Talkers, snark on….
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