Bravo Daily Dish – 17 Years of Lies, Love, and Larceny
Joe and Teresa Giudice, a large slab of Italian marble and the crack slowly rending it apart, will celebrate their 17th wedding anniversary on Sunday. Teresa squawked out to E! News that Joe wrote her a song and wants John Legend to sing it to her. Because John Legend definitely seems like someone that would do Joe Giudice, of all people, a favor. Because John Legend seems like the guy that stands in for convicted chunks of cold ham rotting away in prison. Because John Legend seems like the kind of performer who’d croon out, “I love you so much, you stupid bitch, you dumb cunt, I fucked a 22-year-old waitress last night, sorry I wrapped your new car around a tree.” Aw. Come on John, help out a poor sap in love!
New York Times – Ciao, Bella
Let’s get one last good look at Michelle Obama, one of the few palatable people to circulate through the news lately, attending her final state dinner for the Prime Minister of Italy and his wife. Before Michelle and Barry make room for another sorry soul to inhabit that little shack at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Hopefully it won’t be for a hyperbolic candied yam yelling about the dangers of immigrants and the merits of sexual assault, but if hopes and dreams were peaches and cream…
People – Guess Who Else Was at the State Dinner!
America’s Tristan and Isolde Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, who performed, and Frank Ocean, who brought his mom, who raised him shitty since he wore these to the god damn White House. The WHITE HOUSE.
Vans, ffs.
Page Six – Toby Maguire: New Divorcé, 41-Year-Old Grown Ass Adult
Charming Derp Meme Toby Maguire is licking the wounds of his divorce from Jennifer Meyer by going clubbing with fellow 41-year-old and Pussy Posse member Leonardo DiCaprio. If I’m clubbing when I’m 41 and still allowing the press to call my circle of friends the Pussy Posse, I give you license to just set me on fire and leave me in the middle of a field so I can combust in the quiet, disappointed way I deserve.
TMZ – Let’s Check in with Lovely Young Lady Azealia Banks
Lovely Young Lady Azealia Banks tells TMZ about the legendary skirmish that befell one Russell Crowe’s fête over the weekend, blaming her part in the fight on her frustration that rich white dudes can joke about any old off-color thing they want to, but as soon as a sassy young women puts down the sandwich she’s making to join in everyone gets all pissy. Which, I’m inclined to side with Azealia here. And not for nothing – it’s universal knowledge that Russell Crowe’s favorite thing IS fightin’ round the world:
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