We pick up where we left off: on Scrub Island, where PDA abounds and signals are being wildly misread.
Enter: Kelley, still putting his paws all over Emily.
Skin protection over flirtation deflection. Atta girl.
Ben is still irked by witnessing Kate and Ro suck each other’s faces off, and continues to fall into a melancholy spiral.
But we soon learn that this has less to do with any jealousy regarding Kate – the situation is merely a reminder that Ben is getting OLD, and better lock down some love, ASAP.
Regretting not falling in love back when he was younger, had a better body,
and didn’t need to wrap a towel up to his nipples.
We are subjected to some risqué lovemaking sounds courtesy of Kate and Ro from the “privacy” of a public ladies room (hygienic), and try to remain thankful that there wasn’t video footage to go along with it.
They soon emerge, seemingly unfilled, and quickly become tangled up in each other’s bodies on a beach lounge chair.
When 2 become 1.
Not getting any body on body action is Lauren, who’s still feebly attempting to flirt with Nico in the weirdest ways possible.
You can spray me in the face anytime, Nico.
Literally, whenever. Wherever.
Please?
Soon Kelley has released his grip from Emily long enough to take a romantic kayak trip for two with Kyle. But alas, the relentless Emily conversation continues.
Good question, Kyle.
Kyle explains how Emily is “fucking posh,” to the surprise of Kelley, who thought all English girls were, like, into guys being really forward, and groping them, and stuff?
If only he knew how much he was failing with his “sweep-her-off-her-feet-without-even-knowing-it” vibe.
There’s your answer, Kelley.
Nothing.
There’s nothing going on with the Emily situation.
But as predicted in an earlier recap – Ben is proving to be the actual tortoise in Kelley’s tortoise vs. the hare situation.
If anyone has a sweep-her-off-her-feet-without-even-knowing-it vibe, it’s this guy.
If only Kelley knew that pale, out of shape guys can get the girls too.
Soon everyone is sufficiently sunburnt, sexually tense, and sleepy, and exit Scrub Island.
Aw, Kyle. That poor, cold cup of coffee.
The next day, Captain Lee is still feeling salty and sassy, calling Kelley for another one-on-one meeting.
Check out that hand on popped hip action.
He lets it be known that he is not impressed by merely getting the job done, but by those who go above and beyond the call of duty.
Kelley continues to be annoyed by these little chats, giving us a sort of undermined feeling, reminiscent of Trevor. Oh, little hair model, you are missed by no one.
Ro is still on the boat, but making her exit in another astonishingly weather-inappropriate outfit. She knows this is the Caribbean, right?
Amidst more face smashing with Kate (we’ve had quite enough by now), she hugs everyone and bids adieu.
DM me all your lady nabbing secrets, I need them.
Finally, after a drawn out goodbye, Ro and her pit stains hit the road.
Bye forever.
Now that all the nonsense is over, it’s time to get back to more important things: like boat stuff and cleaning and whatnot.
To the dismay of the entire deck crew, another haphazard package arrives for them to wrestle with: an inflatable slide!
We’re reminded of Kelley’s battle royale with a slide two seasons ago, and are delighted to see it has returned to haunt him.
The deckies have a hell of a time getting it out of the delivery vehicle, with Kyle in particular getting black and blue’d by it.
RIP Kyle’s little stubbed piggies.
When they finally get it down the dock and alongside the boat, Captain Lee is right there to “micromanage” the whole thing.
FML, Part I.
Lee: Above & beyond the call of duty, literally from above & beyond.
Once the slide is safely on board, Kyle gets a bit of a rest and attempts to slide into Sierra’s good graces.
Undeterred by the whole Jesus/fish/bread debacle, Kyle wants to take her on a fishing date! Sierra’s open to it, but mainly for the free meal.
We can go Dutch, like Belgium people do.
Kyle tells us the highly romantic story of how his daughter was conceived in a trash bin, or something, on his first date with his baby mama.
These two continue their flirting with a trip to the money mailer in town where Kyle is sending cash to his baby mama. Coming as a surprise and shock to Sierra, she thinks the whole daughter situation is a red flag. And she doesn’t have any of those. Mmmhmmm. Looks like this love match is already hitting rough waters.
But soon it’s back to business because there’s another charter on the way!
Kate is still feeling the Ro-mance and begins to partake in some light matchmaking with Ben as her first client.
You can be this happy too! I guarantee it.
Captain Lee rounds up the department heads and reviews the charter rundown. Turns out these guests will come in time for Valentine’s Day, and there’s to be a proposal on board – the first night.
No pressure, Ben.
Kate, asking a question we’re all curious about, inquires as to how Captain Lee proposed to his wife back in the day.
I just asked, end of story.
What did you expect?
Mmm classic. I love it.
A few of the crew decide to order sushi as a last hurrah, giving Ben the night off. Everyone’s appetites seemed to be lacking, however, because this mess of leftover food was literally left over on the table.
Bunch of animals.
The next morning, Valentine’s Day, Kelley wishes Emily a happy Valentine’s while she’s taking out the trash. So romantic!
He wants to be her valentine. She wants to take out the trash. Business as usual.
Garbage is more appealing than Kelley at this point.
Also dealing with garbage is Captain Lee, who is not pleased to find the sushi and booze remnants.
But why are you smelling that
Seizing another opportunity to micromanage Kelley, Lee gives him the task of cleaning up the mess.
FML, Part II.
Kate learns that Emily has never received flowers from a man who wasn’t her father, so she advises Ben (who is old enough to be Emily’s father) to make that wish come true.
DO IT DO IT DO IT
Kate, knowing Ben’s type full well, thinks Emily is perfect for him because she is young, thin, intelligent, and British. Ben concurs, and follows through with the flower order.