Hi, Trashies! It’s Latin Night on Dancing With the Stars. That means we have to put up with Pitbull. Are there literally no other people of Latin heritage that would be willing to be guest judge? We already know that Pitbull sucks at this.
We’re going to start the night with a few results.
Ryan & Cheryl – SAFE!
With that, they’re dancing first. Ryan is just amazed that he’s still there, but he can’t quite get into the rhythm of the salsa and he compares the difficulty to the SAT. Then there’s a montage of him screwing up in rehearsal.
If that dance is any indication of how Ryan did when he took the SAT, then I guess it’s really good for him that he’s a good swimmer. He just kind of stood around while Cheryl danced around him. The ending was especially bad. Pitbull liked the neon colors. Julianne and her helmet hair also likes the aesthetics of the performance. Bruno is just happy to see Ryan in very little clothing. Carrie Ann gives some actual critique and says that there just wasn’t enough musicality for a Latin dance.
Scores:
Carrie Ann – 7
Pitbull – 8
Julianne – 8
Bruno – 7
30/40
Len isn’t here, so I guess that means that all the scores will be ridiculously inflated.
Time for more results!
Jame & Sharna – SAFE! (Fucking, duh)
Terra & Sasha – SAFE!
Amber & Maks – JEOPARDY!
Marilu & Derek – SAFE!
And now, Terra and Sasha are up with their paso doble. Terra isn’t have an easy time being as angry as she needs to be for this dance, so Sasha does his best to piss her off. They just end up giggling a lot.
Terra just wasn’t as on as she usually is. Granted, that still makes her a much better dancer than someone like Ryan, but it’s not up to her own standards. Julianne says pretty much what I did – this just wasn’t Terra’s best dance. Bruno is standing up and saying something about tigers. Carrie Ann tells Terra that her anger and intensity was one dimensional. Pitbull has no idea what he’s talking about and just says “great job.”
Scores:
Carrie Ann – 7
Pitbull – 8
Julianne – 8
Bruno – 7
30/40
Seriously? They only thought that was the same level as Ryan?
Amber is super disappointed in herself and she just wants Maks to be proud of her. Maks adores her and just wants her to reach the potential he knows that she has. After a particularly difficult rehearsal, Amber walks out as Maks protests. The next day, they make up and all is well. They really have a cute friendship.
There were moments in that dance here Amber really seemed to be in her element. Then there were moments where she just looked terrified. What the fuck is Bruno talking about? Carrie Ann wants Amber to break through the glass ceiling that she seems to have in place. Pitbull commends Amber for stepping out of her comfort zone. Julianne wants Amber to really go for her with the aggressive moves – she needs to just go for it.
Scores:
Carrie Ann – 7
Pitbull – 7
Julianne – 7
Bruno – 7
28/40
It makes me sad, but Amber is not long for this competition.
Yay! James and Sharna (and James’ sheer lace shirt) are up with a rumba next. In what universe would James not be considered sexy? Dude is hot as hell! Anyway, he came up with the character “Ricardo” so that he can do this type of dance. OK, then the whole “Ricardo shows up” segment is super cringy.
So, yeah, I don’t think there’s any question about whether or not James is sexy. I loved the simplicity of the dance (because I’m basically Len). Sharna is really good at making her choreography about just her and her partner. Carrie Ann says something about James’ chest undulations. Pitbull talks about James’ lace shirt and calls the dance “lust.” Julianne loves the subtle things that James does and calls him the best male dancer that’s ever been on the show. Somewhere, Alfonso Ribeiro is saying, “Bitch, please!” Bruno hits on Ricardo.
Scores:
Carrie Ann – 10
Pitbull – 9
Julianne – 9
Bruno – 10
38/40
I’m OK with this. More shirtless James, please.
Why do we always talk to Derek first when it’s time for him and Marilu to dance? Can this be not about him for once? It’s ironic that he talks about how much he wants this to be her journey. We all know that he’s here only for himself.
Ever time I heard the phrase “eche pa’lante,” I think of Yara Sofia.
What do we have to do to get a drag queen on this show?!
Pitbull is just going to praise everyone tonight. Julianne says that, after last week’s breakthrough, Marilu was a whole new person this week. Bruno is just Bruno and he flails a lot. Seriously, he gets worse every season. Carrie Ann is super creepy when she says that she knows the dance looked good, but she wants it to feel good.