Hola Trashies thank you for your patience with me these past few weeks! It’s been tough, but the painkillers helped.
So let’s start this recap off with some good news: next week is the last episode before the final decision, AND there’s no Heather and Derek in this episode! That well is finally dry. Like Heather. Thank GOD.
Tom and Lilian are still the couple the show wants us to think will make it. Personally, I still think they are fooling themselves. The producers have decided that since the next week is the big decision they should take a second honeymoon, a mini-moon. Tom and Lilian decide to take a trip to the keys, which Lilian has yet to visit. Folks, if you ever get the chance and you visit Florida, make a point to take a few days and hit up the Keys. They are gorgeous. Florida has the longest reef in the world. I’m glad that Lilian was open to this, but I do wish they had a better photographer during this trip. (more on that later). Lillian also gets marching orders – to stay off the phone while on the trip (within reason. Tom has a lot of snarky comments about how Lilian is more committed to her job than her marriage. Which is bullshit. Honestly, I think Tom has ZERO work ethic, which is why living in a bus so he can “surf” more is an acceptable lifestyle. By the by, my whole family lives near Sebastian Inlet (home of Kelly Slater) and my brother-in-law was a professional surfer and I can safely say that Dania beaches have shit for surf and Tom would probably get his ass kicked if he ever went North to real surf. Just sayin’. Tom’s full of shit about his “lifestyle.”
So, Tom suggests that they take his bus to the Keys and Lilian smiles through gritted teeth and agrees. Because who wouldn’t want to take a four hour trip in a bus? Which turns out, the A/C does not work when it is being driven. Tom then goes on his typical diatribe about his “lifestyle” (broke and unemployed) and wants Lilian to understand that part of him better. He does say that he knows that he and Lily can’t live in the bus, but he would like to keep it for road trips. Which sounds reasonable.
Luxurious! Who wouldn’t want to spend hours and hours in this stinky hot box?
As he goes through getting the bus ready to drive, these two go through some theatrics to pretend they are not annoying the crap out of each other. Lots of, “baby?” and Tom over-explaining with a fake sing/song voice. In an interview, Tom tells us that Lily is inpatient and prissy and she likes to get her way. Lily tells us that she’s trying to be open minded about the bus, but it is a huge pain the ass.
I’m fairly certain I took this bus to church camp. 25 years ago.
Tom also gives us a lesson about how his bus also serves as a part time hotel for raccoons and feral cats. Lily can do better, that’s all I’m saying.
When Tom turns the bus on, the AC kicks on and just knocks foam particles all into the bus. It’s hilarious because this bus is so busted. Seriously.
I think Lily now qualifies for a mesothelioma lawsuit.
Adding this for cuteness. And because the dog looks about as thrilled about this road trip as Lily does.
The bus finally gets on the road and they head to the campgrounds (my friends camp down in the Keys regularly, so if you like to camp it’s a good idea. And right on the ocean. Travel tips from Eyediosmioh!) During the drive Lily is miserable. See no air-conditioning. Again, Tom interviews with some digs about how Lily is high maintenance. Lilian said the bus ran better than she thought it would she was reasonably concerned since it had been in the RV lot for so long that it would burst into flames with her inside it. Yeah girl, we were all thinking that.
While in the Keys they go on a snorkeling trip. Lily has never been snorkeling before, so she’s understandably nervous. The boat captain tells them that conditions are perfect and they should be able to see a lot of nurse sharks (harmless), barracuda (harmless but terrifying), and there’s a moray eel nearby in the reef (will bite the shit out of you, but still pretty cool).
Tom jumps in and swims away, while his lady love stands on the edge of the boat terrified to make the jump in the water. Girl, I hope you’re watching this because it will never get clearer for you than at this point. This man is selfish, and not there for you. His mother even told her that Tom needs to be coddled, and here we are. Tom’s more interested in seeing the sea life than encouraging his terrified bride. Ugh. Sorry, but this sequence bothered me so. much.