Hola Trashies!!! MisRed got a new Roku so all is right with the world… except for the fact that it took me 2 hours to watch this 43-minute show.
In case you need a refresher… Previously on Real Housewives of Orange County: Jimmy’s sperm came out of retirement. Shannon and David renewed their vows in preparation for their imminent divorce. Kelly offended basically everyone, saying it was ok for David to have cheated, Shannon is a c*nt, it’s no wonder Tamra’s daughter doesn’t talk to her, and that Vicki said that David beats the sh*t out of Shannon, and that Heather is the “puppet and everyone else is the Master.” (I didn’t say anything she said was intelligent.) Vicki got back into almost everyone’s good graces and then kacked it up by, well, being herself. Eddie is rumored to be a gay cheater. Vicki showed Terry her lopsided juggs, as a result Terry has gauged his own eyes out.
Meghan’s Future Divorce Settlement
Meghan is at her home in St. Louis, shockingly Jimmy is there. Meghan’s Mom and Dad arrive… oh wow, Meghan’s Dad is a Silver Fox… kind of.
How YOU doin’?
They are having a baby gender reveal- Dr. Potter’s office arranged for this cake to be sent to the house to tell them the sex of the baby. Is this the biggest scripted horse sh*t you’ve ever seen or what?
I’ve seen better cakes on “Cake Wrecks”
Surprise! It’s a girl.
Is Jimmy smiling or snarling?
Jimmy hides his disappointment well. Meghan is a little disappointed because she wanted to give Jimmy a son. But is ultimately happy. Her Dad laments the day that Meghan was born. We relive Meghan’s IVF journey and Meghan’s disappointment in Jimmy’s absence.
Jimmy will, shockingly, also miss Tamra’s Food Party.
Out of time and over budget
Vicki arrives at Briana’s house- the renovations are taking longer than they thought- and they are way over budget. Michael arrives and Vicki says “I have a bunch of knives in my car in your shirts.” Not sure what that means, I can only imagine that Vicki has to confiscate all knives everywhere she goes in order for her to, you know, not get stabbed for something stupid she will, inevitably, say.
Briana asks what’s going on with Tamra? Vicki says that Shannon is “having some type of party for Tamra where she can eat whatever she wants,” acting like it’s silly. Yes, yes, Vicki, it’s a silly party you were begging to be invited to last week.
So can I come? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Briana asks why they are always fighting? Vicki says that they just can’t seem to get on the right track and stay on the right track and it’s a “Yin and Yang thing.” Can someone please get these women a dictionary? Yin and Yang COMPLEMENT each other. Oh boy. In actuality, they are probably fighting because Vicki is a hateful shrew. Briana will try to get a babysitter so she can go with Vicki. Maybe Vicki can use her as a human shield. Briana says she just wants Vicki and Tamra to get along and that Vicki should just say she’s sorry everyday. Vicki is like “So she just gets to walk around being perfect?”
Can’t you just sage her ass or something?
Briana says “This is not the energy I want in my home.” And Vicki says “I know, we will have to stage it or something. “ Once again, missing the point entirely.
Over at Shannon’s, she has her crock pot out. David comes in and gives Shannon a little kiss and comments that her lipstick is sticky… and David wipes his mouth with a towel saying “I belter remove this otherwise I might be called ‘gay’ by your favorite friend.”
Dementor’s Kiss
Shannon is like UGH… let me just shred this chicken and pretends it’s Vicki’s face. Shannon tells David that Kelly and Vicki are coming to the party even though she doesn’t want them to. But Tamra wants them there so Shannon will support her. David thinks Vicki is the Devil and doesn’t want her around. Shannon plans to confront Vicki about why she would say “such a vicious lie” about Shannon’s family. Assuming the lie is that David “beat the sh*t out of her,” which we now know may or may not be partially true. There was a domestic violence incident at Shannon’s house for which David was put on probation. David’s plan is to try to be a gentleman.
At Shannon’s everyone is getting ready for the party. David is putting up a shelf and has someone from the catering company running to the hardware store to buy some paint. He has perfect husband timing. MrRed will wait until the moment we are supposed to leave for the movies and then decide to fill up the Dog’s water fountain which takes, like, 10 minutes.