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Real World: Burger Grease and Bear Sex

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explosion feature imageWhat might happen to your brain by the end of the season. Hola, Trashy McTrashersons!  Plockness monster here, filling in to recap the premiere episode.  If I were to guess, ratings have declined because this year the producers decided to mix it up in the RW house. This is “Real World: Ex-Plosion,” and surprise (!!!!), five of these seven fucktards will also be living with their exes a month into their stay.  Apparently, the original seven are sent on a vacation.  When they return, they are greeted by said exes.  How could one forget this when we got a count down clock at least ten times during the episode?  I read that two of the exes declined to join the show.  I am guessing that Jamie’s ex is one of the losers not joining in on the fun because he’s trying to make it in the music industry and all of that shit.  Since I had to use my brain to think about The Real World, I’m not speculating on who the other absent ex is.  We will find out in due time.  So, drunk assholes?  CHECK.  Bitch slapping?  CHECK.  Pregnancy scare?  YES SIR!  Let’s meet our cast of  rejects. TOM: Hot.  privileged.  White.  Boring.  Awful taste in shirts. Crimes against fashion. ASHLEY:  Three minutes into the episode, I decide to hate her.  She’s from West Virginia, but repeatedly refers to San Francisco as “her city.”  Also, I am 99% sure she likes to drunk dial her grandpa on a regular basis. Please get hit by a trolley car before the end of the season. JENNY:  She is my favorite so far, which means she will probably turn out to be a step below Ashley on the crazy scale.  She reminds me of Anna Nicole Smith minus the annoying ass voice.  Her tits are huge, and that makes me jealous.  She says she plans on getting super drunk with her grandkids when the time comes because she looooooooves to par-tay. “I promise to only make this face 80% of the time I’m on camera.” CORY: He’s a personal trainer and a man whore.  He hooks up with Ashley AND Jenny within the first 48 hours.  Don’t talk shit about his family unless you are prepared to straddle him in a taxi later.  Cory grew up poor and that gives him the sads. Don’t hate him because he’s slutty.  Hate him because he touched Ashley. ARIELLE:  Production killed two birds with one stone by casting her.  She’s black and gay.  Models to make money to support her dream of becoming a horror film director.  Also, she’s really into online dating.  Rockin’ body, so I hope she walks around in a bathing suit all day. Twofer. JAMIE: Artsy fartsy gal with a lot of tattoos and a chip on her shoulder when it comes to cheaters.  She brags about being the world’s best bartender because that’s what all kids aspire to be when they grow up.  She wants to get into Tom’s […]

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