Hi Trashies, my apologies for this recap being so late! I have had a hard time catching up since the site came back up. I hope you understand. Anyway, on to the recap
Previously on Sister Wives:
- Maddie announced that she’s seriously dating someone who is 10 years older than her and related to her by marriage.
- The interminable adoption saga seemed like it was finally over.
They sure like opening to the kids playing to soothing music. The adoption happened one week ago. They are still trying to play the victims, even though it took them less than 20 minutes for it to be approved
Robyn’s kids are headed to Montana to meet the former Mr. Robin. Aurora is excited about seeing him. She seems to always be excited about everything. Robyn isn’t wearing makeup on camera and she looks older than Christine. Kody says that when the kids come back from their father’s house, they are “different.” I guess he couldn’t call them bratty assholes in front of Robyn. Christine wishes they never had to let the kids see their father. Kody calls her territorial, and for once, I agree with him. Uh, Christine, just because Kody adopted them doesn’t mean he is suddenly their biological father. They have a life pre-Kody.
Dayton inexplicably has a bunch of bodybuilding posters up in his room.
The Browns want to throw an adoption party in 11 days. They are deciding on the menu and Robyn has dictated that it will be a Sunday dinner. Kody wants to make barbecue and chicken wings, but Robyn is not having it. She has nice, white napkins and they don’t go with chicken wings, apparently. Christine asks Kody if he’s crying inside. Why wouldn’t every woman want to be a part of this marriage? Kody tells Robyn to ease up. The wives are giggling nervously, trying to bury themselves deep underground during this argument. Janelle has never seen Robyn so mouthy to Kody. She thinks it has to do with the pregnancy. I think it has to do with her establishing her position as the new Queen Bee now that she is the legal wife.
Janelle prays for release.
Christine likes how sassy Robyn is. Robyn tells them that she talked to Kody and he gave her a very specific idea of what he wanted, and now he is changing things on her, and she is panicking. Meri tries to reassert her dominance by reminding them that she was here first and Kody always changes his mind. Christine gets holier-than-thou about being polygamist, saying that monogamous women don’t have anybody to tell when their husbands are being crazy. But at least we don’t have to pass everything by committee, Christine! Kody tells his wives to get their panties out of a bunch. Robyn tells him not to talk about panties at the table, and when nobody laughs, points out that it was a joke. Their mutual awful sense of humor must be what brings them together.
Is this bitch talking to me? Nobody talks to me like that!
Kody and Robyn want to make a special plaque for Robyn’s kids. Kody seems to think that adoption means that he can go back in time and live through the kids’ birth and infancy. Maybe fundamentalist Mormonism makes him a Time Lord? He says that not being there breaks his heart.
Kody explains the concept of time travel to Robyn.
Christine hired a guy to lay down concrete in her backyard so the kids can put down their handprints. Christine is screaming with excitement, and Kody wonders if she scared the concrete guy. She definitely scares me.
Lady, I’ll do whatever you want if you will stop that screeching.
Robyn wants an artist she found on the internet to paint a portrait of Kody holding her kids as babies. He’s Bulgarian, and Robyn seems to think that means he is a 4-year-old. She asks him if he knows what the word adoption means. Robyn gets ready to explain the family to him and says, “This is where it gets more trickier.” She asks him if he knows what a plural family is, and when he says no, proceeds to explain that Kody has 4 harpies wives. The Bulgarian artist responds that Kody is lucky. He must not watch the show, I guess. They always do this thing with new people, where they tell the story of the family for shock value, like they want them to react negatively. Nobody cares! The artist says that it is his first portrait in America. She must have really dug deep in the internet to find this guy.
*screaming internally*
Robyn’s kids are back from their dad’s. They are mysteriously ecstatic to be back. Kody believes that adoptions are magic, because he says that this time, the kids are “better” when getting back to the family than ever before.
Mykelti tries to kidnap Breanna. Solomon follows.
Janelle heads to a bakery to buy a special dessert for the party. She says she isn’t very good at party planning, but she is good at cake, so that’s what she put herself in charge of. She explains the polygamy thing to the owners of the bakery. They are young and seemingly gay, so I doubly doubt they care about this. They just want to bake a cake, make some money, and be on TV for a free bump in publicity. They picked the wrong show for this. It looks like they will be making a tree-shaped cake. Great, that always seems to go so well. She says they really like carrot cake and angel food cake. I sure hope they aren’t planning on putting those together. After that, Kody picks up the plaques. He assures the cameraman he spared no expense on this. He wants it to be a symbol of his love for the kids.
We don’t care about any of what you just said, but thanks for getting us on TV!
The concrete is being poured in Christine’s backyard. They only have 20 minutes for 24 handprints. This is never going to work. Logan accomplishes the first handprint successfully. They all have to balance on a beam so they won’t step in the concrete, which is causing a huge amount of difficulty. The concrete is drying super-fast, and both the temperature outside and everybody’s stress levels are rising. Not for the first time, Kody is regretting having 47 children. Hey man, if you would quit making more, things would be easier for everyone. They manage to get all the handprints in. This is a recurring theme for this show. They make something seem like it’s impossible, then there’s a billion years of build-up, and it works out in the end.
Oh this isn’t a “Surfin’ USA” video shoot? Oops!
The day of the party has arrived. The cake is here. It’s a tree trunk cake surrounded by cupcake leaves. It looks pretty, but it looks like a lot of fondant was required, and fondant is disgusting. Janelle explains that some of the cupcakes in the leaves are gluten-free. They definitely didn’t worry about cross-contamination, then. Meanwhile Robyn’s kids are giving gifts to Kody and Meri, but none of the other wives. Meri is making her mom cook the meal for 60+ people. She brings up her boring health issues, but refuses to go into much more detail. Nobody cares, Meri. Just stop.
This cake represents our family: a mish-mash of flavors with overly artificial frosting.
The party starts. Gwendolyn is wearing the same dress that she did to the adoption. Kody starts to preach like he’s at church. He says that he never plans his speeches, which explains why they’re always so word-salady and nonsensical. He says that when children are born in their religion, they are named and blessed. He wants to place a religious seal to the adoption. The blessing looks like an orgy gone horribly wrong. He then gives them the plaques he had made. Dayton shows it off like he’s about to auction it. Breanna starts crying, which makes everyone else’s waterworks start.
I need an adult – Everyone witnessing this.
Dayton just got his plaque, and he’s already trying to sell it.
The kids give Kody a watch inscribed with the word Daddy and the date of the adoption. Kody is extremely impressed by how expensive it looks. They give Meri a necklace with three gemstones representing the kids, and past/present/future. Meri pretends that this whole family doesn’t revolve around her.
Thanks for getting me something so expensive, kids!
Robyn gives Kody the painting she commissioned. It’s of a very young Kody with the kids as toddlers. It looks a little uncanny valley-ish. Robyn says that she created a moment that didn’t exist before. Not that it is possible to do that through a crappy painting. Everyone eats the food that Meri’s mom spent all day preparing. Robyn claims all the credit for the success of the dinner. Christine ends the episode leading a toast in front of the concrete slab, which looks hella dirty.
Terrifying.
Next on Sister Wives, the Browns take a family trip to Alaska, and they will reveal whether Robyn is pregnant with a human being.
I hope we can solve this mystery!
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