Hello Trash Talkers! If you need a break from the pathetic souls on the bridal shows, this one is for you. Let’s watch another couple who have done their time and are also done with the bullshizz called marriage.
The uncouple this week is Andy and Meredith. What, no Blake and Miranda? Oops, I forgot that one is officially over. Nevermind. Vikki loves to brag, but she doesn’t have much celebrity pull. Otherwise, you can be damn sure she’d be counseling them and promoting the hell out of it.
The reality is, we are going to be subjected to people a little more real. Let’s get to it.
No excessive reality TV time for Alex, until she does something with that nose.
Vikki starts her day with a little sit-down with Alex. This is her personal assistant whose ego seems as over-inflated as Vikki’s, if that’s possible. She’s a mousy brunette with hair that needs to brushed. Alex fills Vikki in on the couple. Andy’s a biker. Meredith is a hippy yoga freak. She is extremely proud she gathered this information. Like it didn’t take more than five minutes to collect.
She even knows how long it will take to get to their house. Bravo! That’s 30 minutes, so Vikki’s preggo self needs to get a move on it. She hustles out the door, but not without sharing a smug little smirk about the couple before she leaves. Stop that Vikks. We all know you are on marriage NUMBER TWO. You are hardly Miss Perfect, although your fillers are.
Vikki arrives at the million dollar home of our uncouple in a matter of seconds. Thank you producers, for having the common sense to cut her little drives short. Meredith is an orange suburban soul, complete with an air of superiority. This is the life everyone wants, according to her, and she has it. That is, until you get to the part where her marriage tanked, in part because she’s so freaking boring.
Andy arrives for the mandatory sit down. He’s an fattish man in an overly snug shirt. He doesn’t look very biker bad azz, with the exception of his attitude. It’s one of those no BS type men, which is a direct contrast of Meredith’s plastic.
Vikki wants to know what happened in the marriage. Tread carefully, viewers. This is the part where there’s potential to get a little teary.
Andy mumbles that Meredith used to gel with his partying ways. That is, until she became a yoga freak. Vikki scolds him. Couples do not divorce over yoga! I disagree, except with this couple. Andy adds that their musical tastes do not mesh. She is into Grateful Dead and he is a Slayer man. Okayyy. Now it all makes sense.
His explanation in his talking head gives us more insight. They were friends in college first. It was only AFTER she hit the tanning bed, bleached her hair and lost mountains of weight that he asked her out. Okay, so those are my words, but check out the before:
No surprise that Meredith had to write Andy’s papers and buy his beer to get him to acknowledge her.
She confesses in her talking head that she had a huge crush on Andy in college. That’s the only time Meredith appears a little genuine. She lets it slip that she even wrote a paper for him. I wonder what her snotty neighbors will think of Meredith’s former fat and pathetic life? No doubt she’ll regret announcing this on national TV. No one wants to be seen with a loser.
Vikki wants to talk about things, because that’s what’s most important. Andy tells us they fell out of love, and I believe it. Meredith remains on her pedestal and blames it all on him. Naturally. She’s living this vegetable shake and BS yoga instructor lifestyle, which is what HE should do. He sees it for what it is. She wants what she thinks is the perfect family, to show off to her snooty neighbors. His software engineer status, pudgy body and bike do not fit in picture. She tries to sell this to Vikki like she is only trying to help make his life better for him and her son, but neither he nor Vikki believe it. He’s over her arrogant arse. Good. This is the best mindset to have when it comes to fighting over the goods. I am ready for him to take her for everything he can get.
Meredith wants heirloom vases that were given as a gift from her family. Her reasoning is that she can pass them on to her son. No boy wants vases, according to Andy. Sell them already! Next up, the Tiffany lamp. This is a gift from one of Meredith’s family members. Once again we are reminded that Meredith thinks she and her Tiffany lamp are superior to Andy. Right.