In case you are wondering, Ask Jeeves still exists and I know this because I used to ask Jeeves, “why is Elise so miserable?”. The “answers” were a message board for the video game Assassins Creed and a wordpress site about depression. But enough about website butlers and Elise’s general malaise, for now.
We meet our Whistler pals at the concierge crib where Bobby, Charlotte, Flotsom and Jetsom (her eyebrows) are rehashing last night’s awkward stand off with Kendra where they told her she was a bit bossy at times. Trending topic Kendra and her bad attitude are just waking up and going about their morning routine. Kendra accidentally opens the dishwasher while it is running, much to Jim’s dismay, and Kendra tells us she just can’t trust anyone in the house. I mean Jim doesn’t even share the details of the current status of the dishwasher with her! The good news is Lynsey is back from her photo shoot, Phish fan fiction writing workshop, which is good news for the woman who works in the Whistler Village doing those hair wrap thing. Her demographic is usually 9 year old girls on vacation but hey, no judgement.
In an effort to connect with Elise, Jim meets her for a fun soccer session to the tune of Dude Looks Like a Lady. Ok jk that would be awesome, Jim’s love for Mrs. Doubtfire from the first 5 minutes of episode 1 will not die on this recap. In reality Jim meet Elise to take her snowboarding, she is stomping around in her gear the same way she used to outside of Terrance Howard’s trailer on the set of Wayward Pines. Remember she was only banned from the Empire set, everything else is fair game!
Elise does her best to snowboard a bit and she and Jim chat about the fact that her life is so different than his, and that Elise’s weakness is snowboarding. Whose weakness is snowboarding?? That’s like the same as when you say your weakness is that your too nice, that is not a real weakness, that is something you make up in job interviews.
Meanwhile our pal Bobby is getting ready for a night on the town and in doing so it means he is borrowing a shirt from Charlotte while she informs us that he is on Tinder, OkCupid, Hinge, Match.com, Eharmony, Friendster, MySpace, and omni-present in Whistler thanks to a bunch of flyers he threw all over village with his phone number. No really, he has a date with some guy he met online and he informs us this should be a good night because Whistler is the Vegas of Canada…no, but ok. He also tells us like 45 times that he wants to “slam”tonight which is a terrifying use of the word. Bobby meets up with Ian and he is pretty cute, they seem to be hitting it off and then Bobby has all of his terrible housemates meet up with them at the bar where Lynsey proceeds to purr like a cat for 3 minutes, probably so the cameras are fully aware that she can bark and purr, remember her ride to the huskies, where she howled for a solid 90 seconds. Next week will be the climactic moo-ing like a cow episode. Anyway, despite Lynsey’s efforts to make her cat screeching end this date Bobby and Ian make out and it is implied that they do in fact “slam”.
Elise meanwhile is getting ready for work in her adorable own house, it literally looks like the house from Goldilocks and The Three Bears and I would like to go hibernate in it all winter, but Elise is miserable so even her perfect little house can’t cheer her up. When she arrives at her office she promptly gets to working, skyping her son CJ. There is a lot going on for CJ he has recently gotten a skateboard, wait is this a direct attack on Elise’s ONLY weakness? SNOWBOARDING! Probably not but let’s pretend CJ likes to mess with her a bit. Anyway Elise quickly realizes CJ is not at this Auntie Mary’s house where he is meant to be staying but at his Dad’s house, and he’s skateboarding, and he pointed out that although Elise is in her “office” she literally does not have one posession on her desk, cabinets…ok that was just me observing. However, Elise is annoyed because she wants CJ to stay with her Aunt that way when she returns he won’t decide that he wants to live at his Dad’s, basically the take away is Elise is controlling in both her home and work life.
Elise has to push her home life to the back burner for a few minutes because it is obligatory client intro time at Gibbons Life. The team gathers round as Tamra (the true HBIC) introduces their clients for the week, Dez is a semi pro snowboarder who owns an underwear line and looks like he lost out on the role of Shep on Southern Charm casting. I’m not exactly sure what a semi pro snowboarder does but I guess it is some who owns an underwear line and actively tries to get cast on Bravo shows. Dex and his friends actually know Jim and Lynsey IRL, and Bobby owes them weed money so Jim and Lynsey will be setting up Dex and his friends with ULTIMATE snow experience, heli-skiing and night skiing. Dex and his pals are a little on the tame side, petition to bring back the SKINNY PIG! But, we still have another client, Mark and Alexis, Tamra dubs them as Vancouver royalty but they really just look like the greasier Canadian 2015 version of Lily St Regis and Rooster from Annie…