Hey trash bags! How’s it going? I hope you are fucking fantastic. I’m sorry I didn’t recap the last ep but my life was a little over-scheduled last week, so I never got to it. Are you still my babes? Good. So last week we had a circuitous episode in which Daryl’s hillbilly heart of gold screwed him over and Abe and Sasha started a mutual admiration society. The trio got separated when they were shot at by a new group (probably the Saviors). Daryl found some refugees and he tried to help them, but they ended up dicking him over and stealing his crossbow and motorcycle. Abe and Sasha were holed up in an insurance office. Abe found a grenade launcher and a reason to start living more cautiously (Sasha’s cleavage). They all met back up and headed back to Alexandria. Someone called out for help over the CB. That was pretty much it. Oh, and Daryl wasn’t wearing sleeves. So that was nice.
Okay loves, now let’s get to this week. I am excited because right away, we find out Glenn is alive. Yay! I’m happy cause I love Glenn. Even though his entire quasi-death scene was just a way for the writers to troll the audience which is NOT COOL at all. It’s actually emotional extortion, so fuck you writers! Just sayin. So we find out that Nicholas landed on top of Glenn and acted as a human meat shield as Glenn shimmied underneath the dumpster. Just like everyone called it. So fake and dumb. This ain’t Game of Thrones. We all knew Glenn wasn’t dead.
Nicholas: I really DID die, you guys. Audience: Yeah…. we don’t care.
As soon as Glenn escapes from under the dumpster, Enid is standing up on a nearby roof, and she throws him a water. OKAY, yeah. She immediately runs away again because this bitch thinks she’s Maniac Magee or something. Glenn chases her through an open window right next to the dumpster. That probably would have been a good idea when you were being surrounded by a horde of zombies, GLENN! He questions Enid about the horn and the gunfire and she tells him Alexandria was attacked. He asks her if Maggie is okay and she doesn’t answer him. She has run away again. He takes off after her, because he’s Glenn.
Back in Alexandria, Rick goes to have a chat with Maggie, who is still standing lookout for Glenn. He tells her that the others WILL come back.
Well, the MAIN characters at least.
Rick wants to start figuring out how to draw the zombies away from the community. Maggie tells him that she saw baby Judy the other day and that she looks like ……Lori. Way to avoid that paternity issue, Mags.
Glenn is still looking for Enid and comes across the random Alexandrian that was killed escaping the pet store. The dude’s eyeball is stuck to the gate.
Yo, you got any Visine brother?
Glenn puts the guy out of his misery and picks up the world’s shittiest goodbye note and walks away. Isn’t that dude’s wife the one that killed herself back in Alexandria? Well, at least she doesn’t have to read that stupid ass note now.
Meanwhile, Fr. Gabe is hanging up flyers inviting the townspeople to join his prayer circle. Hilariously, Rick comes and rips the flyer down and tears it up, right in front of Gabe. It was a dick move but still funny. Rick takes Ron out to a field to train him how to use guns, while Carl looks on and makes condescendingly douchey remarks.
The stupid fucking hat is back! At least it hides his terrible haircut.
Rick gives Ron a gun to carry around, but no bullets. Ron wants to practice shooting it, but Rick is all “No, jagoff. We have to be quiet”.
Later, Rick, Michonne and Carol sit Morgan down for a chat. Carol has snitched on Morgan for letting some of the Wolves escape. You know, the same ones that later attacked Rick at the RV. Rick is clearly somewhat annoyed by this and they ask Morgan why the fuck he thought that was a good idea. Morgan gives them his usual line of zen bullshit. He reasons that Rick decided not to kill him back in the ‘Clear’ episode, although at that time Morgan was a raging lunatic. If Rick would have killed him, he wouldn’t have been there to help Aaron and Daryl in last year’s finale. If Aaron and Daryl would have died, then maybe the Wolves wouldn’t have found Alexandria. Yeah. Okay. But MAYBE if Morgan would have killed those 2 wolves that he left alive in the car, they never would have found Alexandria either. Anyway, Morgan says it’s not easy to live by his philosophy, but he believes that people can change.
I mean, look at baby Judy. She’s like a completely different baby now.
They ask Morgan if he thinks he can survive in this world without killing anyone, and he says he doesn’t know. No, Morgan. No you can’t.