E! – Introducing Envy (kill me) By Malissa Gorga
Noted financial expert and MBA candidate Malissa Gorga recently opened a store in Montclair, New Jersey infuriatingly, appropriately called Envy. Much in the same fashion as another terrible, long haired Housewife from another coast, she’ll sell overpriced camisoles and $800 toe rings alongside beautiful 19-year-olds who she’ll convince herself into believing she’s one of. In a show of Envy™! support for her sister in-law, and in her first red carpet appearance since breaking out of the clink, Teresa Giudice showed up in a modest, simple ensemble that she promised wouldn’t show up Malissa: a sweet little fur bolero, a lovely metallic alligator corset, distressed, shimmery snakeskin leggings, and a conservative pair of spiked, tasseled knee-high boots. We get it, Teresa, it’s like super cool to be out of an orange jumpsuit. Cool your tits though, girl.
Us – Hey World! Kim Zolciak is Slaying This Foine Piece! Are You Listening! Look at Their Sex Parts! LOOOOOOOOOOK
If you’re not following living sex doll Kim Zolciak’s Instagram, let me tell ya boy, you are missing. out. This shit’s better than a Mr. Skin subscription. Look at all the titties. Look at the dicks in tightie whities. Can you imagine the sex they must have? It must be OFF THE CHAIN, bro. Aw, dude, my wife watches that Real Housewives crap, and Kim’s not on it anymore, so I don’t really care. But DUDE, have you seen this broad? She is built like a fuckin Bugati, bro. BRO…! Dude if you need me I’ll be in the bathroom for two and a half minutes.
… Is what Kim wants your husband to be saying.
Perez Hilton – Report: Nick Carter Still Alive, Wearing Shit from International Male, Getting Arrested at Bars
Nick Carter, which this post hilariously qualifies as both a “Dancing With The Stars runner-up” and “Aaron Carter’s older brother” was arrested outside a bar in Key West with a friend. In the arrest video, which is now private (my heart. it breaks.), Nickie can be heard shouting “I’M A FUCKING SINGER,” which, no. Nick, if you’re a fucking singer, then I’m a fucking Beanie Baby conservator. Some things are better left in 1999, kemosabe. And hey, friend to friend, with those arms, black wife beaters probably aren’t the way to go. That’s a gift from me to you.
People – Because It’s a Week of Loss…
Greatest Singah in Zee World Céline Dion has lost her big fleshy teddy bear and husband of 22 years, René Angélil. For the uninitiated (where you NOT watching all of Vh1’s Divas entertainment in the late 90s? what is wrong with you), Céline first met René at the ripe old age of 12, when he was 38 and hired as her manager. The world basically let the creep factor slide when it became obvious that the more suspicious thing going on was Dion’s wacky, endearing behavior, and the two became a beloved Hollywood couple with three children. Thoughts are with Céline and her sweet little enfants Québécois.
TMZ – Here’s an Article About Someone’s Handbag
And here’s the picture that went along with it.
Everything is awesome!
Want more TrashTalk? Follow us on Twitter for updates of recaps as they publish, like us on Facebook for a daily update, watch our TV parody vids on YouTube, or for funny TV pics, heart us on Instagram, and get the occasional gif on Tumblr!