Hi, Trashies! It’s the best week of the season – Fantasy Suites! The time has come for Ben to spend the night with three women only to dump one of them. This is going to be the biggest blow to someone’s ego. Let’s get to it, shall we?
Ben arrives in Jamaica and tells us it’s a really great place to fall in love. After that, he gives us a rundown of the ladies who are left. He’s worried that he’ll never get below the surface of Caila’s smiley demeanor. Lauren is the closest he’s ever come to love at first sight, but he thinks it might be too good to be true. Yeah, we all know that phrase is part of the winner edit. And finally, we get the broken record that is “I’m more myself around JoJo than I’ve ever been around everyone.” Unfortunately, her family is crazy.
Can we get to the dates already? Seriously, there’s no need for Ben to recap everything for us. We’ve all been watching all season. Oh, hey, the ladies have doubts too.
And Caila holds her “I’m auditioning to be the Bachelorette” pose.
Caila’s date is up first! I’m sure she’s thrilled that she doesn’t have to get any sloppy seconds or dirty thirds. Why does Ben keep saying that this is his deepest relationship. I see zero chemistry between these two. Eh, they just go rafting down a river and have a really forced conversation.
This is what a deep connection looks like.
And this guy is there too.
Caila is just feeling anxious and thinking about the other two women who are probably falling in love with Ben as well. Ben is picking up on Caila’s mood and it’s putting a damper on the day. Somehow, they find a bar along the river and they sit down and talk about the weird mood in the air. Nothing actually gets resolved. With that, it’s time for the nighttime sex portion of the date.
Ben tells Caila that he can tell she’s been in a bad mood and he wants to talk about it. Simply, she’s finally realizing there are other ladies still in this that are probably falling in love with Ben. You know, what she told the cameras earlier. Also, this is the first time a relationship has felt completely right to her and she tells Ben she’s in love with him. They make out and Caila tells us that she can tell that Ben feels he same. With that, it’s time for the Fantasy Suite card.
“Dear Ben and Caila: Here’s your one way ticket to Bone Town. Hugs and kisses, Chris Harrison.”
Before the sex, they go into the water and watch fireworks.
How long were these fireworks going off?
I guess the morning after stuff is a thing now. Over shots of them making out, she tells us again that she can feel that Ben is in love with her as well.
And not even a commercial break passes before Lauren has her date with Ben. Why do people keep saying they feel like a little kid? That’s ridiculously creepy considering this is the sex date. Anyway, they meet with Mel who will be allowing them to release seat turtles into the wild. This is way cooler than rafting down a dirty river. Caila got the sucky date.
Cuter than Ben.
I really want to go on this date.
After the turtles are in the water, Ben and Lauren sit down and talk for a bit about how Ben thinks that Lauren is too good for him. Lauren feels that Ben is too good for her and it’s all too sickeningly sweet for words. Of course, they make out.
I bet the double rainbow is a metaphor for something.
At night, they go listen to some reggae music before going to sit in front of some food they won’t eat. Lauren basically tells Ben the exact same things that Caila said. Seriously, it’s the same conversation just a different woman. Then there’s a Fantasy Suite card and, of course, Lauren accepts. When they get inside, Lauren tells Ben that she’s in love with him. Then Ben breaks the rules and says, “I’ve known I’m in love with you for a little while as well.”
You and everyone else, Ben.
The next morning, Ben brings Lauren breakfast in bed.
The clothing all over the floor is a nice touch.
They tell each other that they love each other and the date ends. I bet Caila is scared now.
Ben barely has time to wipe off his dick before he heads out on his date with JoJo. They take a helicopter ride over the island while JoJo tells us that she’s in love with Ben but she’s not sure if he feels the same. Oh, and then they go swimming around some waterfalls.
I’m sure there’s another metaphor here.
I bet you were totally surprised that JoJo is having doubts because there are other women here, but she still tells Ben that she loves him. And then Ben breaks the rules again and says, “JoJo, I love you too.” She even asks him, “Are you allowed to say that?” Honestly, this one seemed forced. My guess is that the producers forced him to do this. After he told Lauren he loved her, he couldn’t not say it to someone else or we’d all know how this ends.
I feel like this scene happens every season.
I guess we all know that Caila is going home this week, right? Anyway, Ben and JoJo are talking about how they love each other. Unfortunately, Ben wants to know that he has the support of her family. Oh, whatever. That whole thing was set up by producers for some drama. Eh, they kind of talk through it and then go have sexy time. And there’s another breakfast in bed scene the next day. OK, let’s get to Caila’s elimination.
The next day, Caila “sneaks off” to see Ben. Meanwhile, he tells us that there’s just something missing in that relationship. Caila is delusional the entire time she searches for Ben.
I almost feel bad for Caila as she skips up to Ben. Almost.
There’s no way this “surprise” wasn’t set up by producers. Anyway, Ben breaks up with Caila after a bunch of talk about how tough this is. Why the hell does Ben call Caila his “perfect wife” as he’s breaking up with her? That’s a fucking terrible thing to say! Caila tells Ben that what he’s saying sounds like a line and he walks her out. She gets in the limo, but then changes her mind. She gets out and demands some answers from Ben. It’s just the same thing he already said. Caila gets back in the car and tells us how much she’s ready to get married.
Bachelorette audition complete.
Since there are only two ladies left, the rose ceremony is one of those “are you really sure you want to be here?” deals. And if looks could kill…
So, yeah. That’s it, Trashies. Would do you think Ben will pick. We’re all in agreement that it’s probably Lauren, right? Before we get to that, we have to watch “The Women Tell All” episode next week! Or, you know, let’s watch everyone yell at :Olivia.
Until next week, Trashies!
Want more TrashTalk? Follow us on Twitter for updates of recaps as they publish, like us on Facebook for a daily update, watch our TV parody vids on YouTube, or for funny TV pics, heart us on Instagram, and get find the occasional gif on Tumblr!