Hello trash bags! Hope you guys are doing great. Sorry for the lateness but I’ve been super overwhelmed this week with work and school. It doesn’t mean I love you any less. This week’s episode was pretty good and we got to meet a few new characters. Plus we got a psycho Rick scene which are my favorite. Let’s check it out.
We open with Abe and Sasha chatting it up. Abe is telling her a story about a camel that ate and subsequently shit out his keys once. THIS is how he flirts. Sasha lets him know that she won’t be his patrol partner anymore and that Eugene will be taking over for her. Sucks to be you, Abe! Abe seems upset because that’s gonna make it harder for him to cheat on his girlfriend with Sasha.
Hey baby girl, you want some gingerbread? And by gingerbread, I mean penis.
In the very next scene, Abe is lying in bed with Rosita following a bang sesh. She gives him a necklace that she made him from a broken brake light, and she invites him to shower with her. Abe’s mind is on Sasha though. You guys know I love Abe but really, bro? You have a gorgeous girlfriend who bangs you numerous times a day. Yet you want to leave her for Sasha? Okaaay. Maybe on your first date you can go lay in a pile of dead zombies and talk about how her brother died for 5 hours. Sounds like a blast.
Is SASHA gonna make you a hideous garbage necklace? I don’t think so.
Jesus is in Rick and Michonne’s house, waiting for them to get dressed after rudely interrupting their naked sleep. Carl pops up behind him and pulls on gun on him. Carl asks “What are you doing in our house?” Jesus hilariously answers “I’m waiting for your mom and dad and to get dressed”. BAHAHAHA!
You SLAY me, Jesus!
Rick and Michonne come out half dressed, and right at that moment the whole Grimes Gang (less Carol) shows up. So now everyone knows that these two are banging. It’s super awkward and pretty funny. After Rick sadly puts his jean shirt on, the whole group sits down to talk. Jesus says that he checked out their armory and he is impressed. He also noticed that they are running low on food. He tells them that he comes from a community similar to Alexandria, and they need weapons. He wants them to come with him to his town and make a trade – guns for food. He also tells them that his community is only one of many and their world is about to get a whole lot bigger.
I have a question. WHERE IS CARE BEAR? Someone put this bitch on a milk carton or something.
ANYWAY, the gang is preparing to head out with Jesus on a pilgrimage to his land. Denise gives Daryl an oat cake for the road, so he doesn’t eat roadkill AGAIN. She’s super awkward about it but at least it’s not another 20 minute conversation.
Rick brings baby Jude over to Carl to chat. Baby Jude waves at Carl and it’s cute as fuck. Rick initiates an awkward conversation with Carl about the fact that he’s giving Michonne the D. Carl is cool with it cause Michonne is the best. Carl has decided to stay back in Alexandria, and he makes a self-deprecating comment about his cyclops face. He says “A kid with a messed up face probably wouldn’t make the best first impression”. Rick just DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING ELSE and leaves. HAHAHA! Rick cracks my shit up, he really does.
It’s not that bad Carl. It distracts from that hair cut.
Rick, Maggie, Glenn, Abe and Daryl are taking Jesus back to his town. On the way there, Abe asks Glenn “When you were pouring the Bisquick, were you trying to make pancakes?”. In Abespeak, he was asking if Glenn got Maggie preggers on purpose. Glenn says that he did. My question is, What kind of breakfast are you eating, Abe?.
These pancakes are dirty, dirty whores
Rick and Michonne are in the front, holding hands and being all kinds of adorable.
I can’t take this cuteness!
As they are rolling along, they see a car totaled on the side of the road. Jesus says it’s one of his group’s cars so they stop to check it out. Daryl tracks the people from the car to a house nearby. Rick is rightfully concerned that this is another one of Jesus’s tricks, so he cuffs Our Lord and makes him wait outside with Maggie. Although Jesus has successfully escaped EVERY TIME they had him captured, no one seems concerned about Maggie and her fetus.
Everyone else heads inside to get Jesus’s people. The Grimes Gang saves these people from some zombs. It’s pretty uneventful except Abe almost stabs a dude on accident. After they are all safely in the RV, Glenn and Maggie strike up a convo with one of the dudes they just saved, Harlan. Harlan has a sack full of medicine because he’s an OBGYN, or as my mom would say, a coochie gazer. What a coincidence! He offers to give Maggie some prenatal vitamins for her fetus.
Rick gets the RV stuck when he drives it right into a puddle of mud. Way to go, Rick! But it’s cool cause they have arrived at Jesus’s community – Hilltop.
C’mon Rick! Even Carl would have seen this
Jesus convinces the dudes manning the gate not to take Rick and the gang’s weapons from them. Once inside, we see that Hilltop is basically one antebellum style mansion surrounded by a bunch of FEMA trailers. Jesus leads the group into the mansion and introduces them to Hilltop’s leader, Gregory. Rick tries to introduce himself and Gregory interrupts and tells them to all go and take showers because they are dirt bags. WORD, GREGORY! Gregory continues to act like an off-putting douche and he sends them upstairs. Rick tells Maggie that after they take showers, she should be the one to talk to Gregory because he will slap the shit out of that dude. (I’m paraphrasing).
Abe and Daryl are chatting in their room, instead of taking showers like they should be, DARYL. Abe asks Daryl how long he thinks Rick has been giving Michonne her vitamin D. Inappropriate, Abe. Abe asks Daryl is he’s ever thought about “settling down”. Daryl just walks away because he wants to keep our relationship private.
One of these dudes has 2 girlfriends. Somehow, it’s the one with the porn stache talking about camel shit.
Abe looks into the mirror and thinks about his love triangle.
I don’t know about you guys, but I always quietly contemplate life while staring at myself in the mirror.
Maggie goes to talk to Gregory. He is immediately dismissive and condescending and he keeps calling her by the wrong name on purpose. It’s super gross. Maggie asks him how they have survived this long and Gregory says it’s because he’s just so good at this. Maggie asks him about trading and he tells her that she doesn’t have shit to trade. He says that he will let the Grimes gang work at Hilltop to earn food. He starts hitting on Maggie and it’s so gross. Maggie shuts him down like a boss and basically tells him to go fuck himself.
Seriously, his sick book collection is his only redeeming quality
After the trade talk goes sour, Jesus tries to convince Rick that they can still make a deal. Rick threatens that they are gonna leave with food one way or another. I love when Rick acts like an asshole. He’s hilarious. Jesus mesmerizes Rick with his beautiful blue eyes and convinces him to give peace a chance. Jesus says he will talk to Gregory and get him to come to terms.
JESUS SAVES, motherfucka!
Their talk is interrupted by a small group of Hilltoppers that have just come back from a meeting with Negan. One of these people, Man-Bun, tells Gregory that Negan wasn’t satisfied with the “drop” they just made, so he killed two of their people and kept one hostage, Craig (Man-Bun’s brother). Negan told them that he will return Craig unharmed if they deliver a message to Gregory.
The message is – SHANK! SHANK!
Rick tries to stop Man-Bun from killing Gregory. The dude says he has to in order to get Craig back. So naturally, Rick beats the dude’s ass. He’s not much of a talker, that Rick. This leads to a Greasers v. Socs style fight. Abe starts fighting one of the Hilltoppers and ends up being almost strangled to death. Daryl saves him by jumping in and breaking the guy’s arm. Man-Bun gets on top of Rick and puts a knife to his throat. Michonne distracts Man-Bun long enough for Rick to stab him in the neck. After the scuffle has ended, Rick gets up, covered in Man-Bun’s blood. All of the Hilltoppers are looking at him in shocked disbelief. Rick just nonchalantly says “What?”. HAHAHA! Love him THE MOST!
I do this kind of shit all the time, dudes. Everyone is fine with it.
Some random Hilltop chick punches Rick in the face and Michonne knocks her ass out. Get it, girl! The Hilltoppers obviously still don’t realize that Rick is insane so they try to keep fighting. Jesus makes peace once again and gets everyone to take it down a notch. He tells Rick “Put the gun away. You’ve done enough”. Oh Jesus, you make me chuckle.
Daryl goes over to help Abe up. Abe’s garbage necklace broke off in the fight and he leaves it behind on the ground because symbolism, and also because it’s literally garbage.
Later, Jesus is explaining the Hilltop’s deal with Negan to the Grimes Gang. Basically, the Hilltoppers have to continuously give Negan half of everything they have. In return, Negan won’t kill them all. Jesus says that the Hilltoppers can’t fight, and they don’t have any ammo. When they tried to refuse Negan before, Negan beat a teenager to death. Daryl dismisses Negan as a boogeyman and says that the Grimes gang will take him out. Daryl says that for food, medicine, and a cow, the Grimes gang will kill Negan and his men and get Craig back. Jesus says he’ll take the offer to a wounded but still alive Gregory.
Gregory asks to speak to Maggie about the deal. Of course, when she goes to him he is still being a gross asshole, but he accepts the offer. Maggie realizes that she has the upper hand now and she demands half of the Hilltop’s food and supplies to be given to them right now. She thinks she’s pretty fucking cool. Gregory agrees to this arrangement and asks her if she wants anything else and she says she does want one more thing.
Say my name, bitch!
No, actually she wants them to give her an ultrasound.
Rick and the gang head back to Alexandria with the goods. Jesus comes along because he wants to get his knives back. Rick asks a yet to be named Hilltop dude to tag along as well because he’s the guy who usually makes the trades with Negan. Rick wants him to tell them everything he knows. On the way back to Alexandria, everyone passes around Maggie’s sonogram picture, officially giving Maggie’s fetus more screen time than Carol this week. It is pretty cute though.
That’s it for this week loves. What did you think? Hit me up in the comments and let’s chat. Love you guys. Hugs.
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