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Hello Trash Talkers. Another Ang episode has come and gone. I so want to slap the shizz out of the other cast members, for everything they are doing right now.
Last week, the women were terrible, except for Ang. She had another surgery, this time to remove the nodule doctors found on her lung. The “ladies” remained divided into teams. They go like this:
Team Drita: Brittany, but only when she spoke to Drita alone
Team Karen: Everyone else, except for Ang. Brittany was Team Karen in the scenes with Karen and her sheep.
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Meh on this fish. I would have made this.
The latest ep opens with Carla, Renee and Karen crashing Ang’s dream house. Our mob goddess is recovering from surgery in style. That means full makeup, shiny blowout and shag pillow. Renee, who is in perfect health, can only manage nerd glasses and terrible hair. Ang struggles to get up and see what these lunatics are up to. They not only have food, but they are going to cook it themselves. Impressive. The bummer is it’s fish, but Ang looks excited about it, so I’ll go with it. I won’t even complain when I don’t see any dessert.
Karen asks Ang about her surgery. They took out more of her lung than the original plan. The pain is excruciating. Big Ang hopes this it, that the cancer is gone. She can’t handle more surgery. The girls ask about chemo. Big Ang will not know until later this week.
The topic turns to Karen’s father, who does not need mentioning this early in the show. On Karen’s end, he does. She has to pimp him even more than usual, because book two will be hitting the clearance bin shelves soon and she needs the spare change. Karen’s upset, because her father’s early release for his ECSTASY RING sentence was denied. Life is so f-cking unfair, right Karen? Your father is a murderer who received FIVE, yes FIVE, years for those murders. Ratting helped his case, of course. I DO realize the sentence you are complaining about is for his drug ring. I don’t care. STFU. He should have been sentenced to LIFE for the murders, and it didn’t work out. He still came out ahead, didn’t he? FFS.
Did anyone else notice Ang’s dinnerware matches her fluffy blanket on the couch? I can’t even find matching forks.
After the usual Daddy pimping, Karen announces they are going to have fun, now that Ang’s surgery is over. Big Ang thanks Carla for cooking. No one cooks for Big Ang. She gives a heartfelt speech in her talking head about friendship. She stresses that no one should go through this alone. You need friends. *cry break* The ladies toast to Ang, health and happiness.
Off to Drita’s house, which is supposed to lighten the mood. Drita surprises Gizelle with a birthday puppy by hiding it among her stuffed animals. Introducing Bugsy Siegel:
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Meet the other Mob Wives breakout star.
We are sent to a park to watch Brittany and Karen lie to each other. I’d rather listen to Freddy’s nails on a chalkboard. Karen rambles about her father, then lectures on the importance of loyalty. Brittany nods, nods and nods. She may be 25, but those marionette and frown lines are at least 50. Careful about how smug you are Brittany. You may be the youngest, but your skin is over there with Renee’s. There are people your age who hit the hag list early. Pretty soon, that will be you.
Brittany pouts about Renee. Karen continues her BS speech on how Drita didn’t honor the sit-down. She’s talking smack about her. Karen’s mission is to make everything better. Since when? She advises Brittany to talk it out with Renee and Carla. I am so freaking bored. The conversation wraps with Brittany announcing to Karen that she doesn’t want any drama. She’ll try to work everything out with Carla and Renee, because of her loyalty (cough cough) to Karen. Then she makes it clear a truce doesn’t mean she will not take any abuse from either one of them. Boring scene over.
Mob Wives rewards us by taking us along with Karen to the art gallery. She brags (!!) about her father to the woman in charge. She goes on AGAIN about how he began drawing because he was holed up in a cell, where he remains and has nothing better to do. Of course she mentions Sammy “The Bull.” I am certain that this woman, like myself, either vaguely knows that name or had the producers prep her on it. I went so far as to read both his and Karen’s books. You’re welcome Karen. Otherwise she and I would be borderline clueless on who the hell he is. The curator tells Karen to pick the most emotional art, and she’ll set up a solo show. Karen is so incredibly happy, because she may be able to cash in on her father’s name once again, before it completely disappears.
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A cancer break for Ang.
Ang is at the doctor’s to get the results from her surgery. The bad news? She still has lung cancer. However, none of her lymph nodes are involved. So it’s no chemo or radiation for now. All she needs to do at this point, according to the doctor, is get CAT scans every few months. He stresses that the cancer may come back. Ang is over cancer, and she doesn’t want him to go there. She’s cancer free and it’s time to celebrate! I wonder if that means she will be calling the model from the art class. I know Ang could use a little private time with him.
Drita and Brittany meet at a bakery. Guess what? Supermodel Brittany works there. Her cousin owns it. And? Working models are not employed at bakeries. Neither are 25-year-olds, most of the time. They usually have degrees and actual careers.
The topic of the day is what else? Karen and company. Drita hits the nail on the head with her description of Karen. She’s living in a time warp, back when she was cute (Hmm), her father was the underboss and she got lots of attention. Those days are long gone. She should be mature by now. SO should the rest of you, Drita, including Brittany. She’s no kid. She will be hitting 3o in five years and is aging faster than Lindsay Lohan. Brittany brags that she is wayyyy younger and wiser than the rest of them. Yes on the first, no on the second. She is the dumbest cast member in the past two seasons, possibly ever and the competition is stiff. Drita and Brittany snark about how Carla could be Brittany’s mother. Um, no. Carla does not have goat teeth, the posture of an elderly giraffe or a pointy chin. Your mother, Brittany, is a clone of the hags the lead character, Karen, mocked in the movie Goodfellas, only less attractive.
Renee is back in the dance studio, making a fool of herself by blushing every time she’s around her dance instructor. Is it just me, or is he cuter than he was last week?
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Still out of your league Renee.
Alex, who is desperate to sell more lessons, convinces Renee she is a talented dancer. She would make a great performer! I agree on her performance skills. I loved the dramatic scenes with Renee and her family, before medication. Put on some angry music and mention Joonyah and she’ll set the floor on fire.
It’s showtime at the art gallery. Karen thinks she is an A-lister. Nevermind that the only people who showed are cast members and paid extras. Everyone is there except Renee, who had other obligations, and Brittany, who wasn’t invited. Karen’s avoiding drama, remember? Yawn. It’s a little sickening the way Karen worships her father as much as she does. It’s almost like she will blindly follow his lead when he gets out. I’m convinced that will involve drugs and guns. Speaking of criminals, Storm arrives, reeking of weed. Stoned Storm dresses and bathes better than Sober Storm. I’d keep Stoned Storm around. He will be useful when Sammy gets out and has to rebuild the family business.
Another day goes by and we are stuck eating with Renee, Karen and Carla. Do I smell a setup? If Brittany is the target, that’s fine with me. I am sick of her stank azz and livid that I spent my pennies on her mother’s book. The topic is Brittany’s fashion show, which Karen generously compliments. Sadly, Karen discusses her modeling show without snarking on her outfits, runway walk and overall f-cked performance. Brittany arrives, displaying a ghostly belly and TJ Maxx tags.
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Someone hit the Xanax right before they walked in.
The women waste no time and start in on Brittany immediately. Renee wants to know why she was not invited to the fashion show. Not that she really wanted to go. She wanted the pleasure of standing Brittany up. Big Ang magically appears. She is the fairy godmother and they are the flying monkeys. Carla starts yelling, which doesn’t work for Brittany. She rants at Carla, telling her she is the one who told her Marissa said she was a flip-flopper. Wrong. Carla insists Ang said it, which Ang confirms. Karen shovels all the blame for the Marissa/Brittany fight, overall fighting, misery and low ratings on Drita. Brittany pins it on Renee and Carla, who she’s convinced are the instigators. She says that the conflicts stem from her relationship with Drita. They hate Drita, so any friends of hers (minus Ang) are automatically the enemy.
Renee says she doesn’t give a shizz if Drita dropped dead tomorrow. Horrific. Ang is right at the table with them. I am so disgusted with Renee. Disgusting, filthy, selfish whore. The things she said about death are out there forever. That expression did NOT belong in any conversation once Ang was diagnosed.
Brittany hobbles to the exit, screeching at everyone. Karen runs after her, ready to tackle. The producers step in and it’s over. Karen and Brittany announce that they hate each other. Again. Now they can STFU about it and go their separate ways. Right.
Drita and Brittany meet at the park. Geezus. I can’t take much more of this anger, but Brittany lives for it. She updates Drita on the latest hatefest. She repeats everything Karen has said about Lee, and anything else that will push an already dangerously angry Drita over the edge. She says she will own them all, while Brittany eggs her on. The episode ends with Drita yelling that Karen Gravano is dead.
Worst reality ever, people. Next week is the finale. I’m praying the producers will reedit to make the women look as though they made some form of amends.
If you made it through the episode, I am sure you’re sloppy drunk by now. Feel free to rant. I’m getting a drink.
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