Hello Trash Talkers! Last week we were introduced to one of the top five E! fame whores, soulless blonde Athena. Where else, but at the auditions for L.A. Clippers Spirit, the dance team for talented anorexics performers willing to work for pennies. After a disappointing glimpse at the final auditions that had already weeded out the flabby and unfortunates, the team members were announced. Rookies Savanna and Athena spent most of their air time trying to convince us how beneath them dancing for an NBA team is. Token hillbilly roomie, Hannah, cried about most everything, while undermining her former NFL squad. The one that was generous enough to overlook her ratty blonde hair and snaggle teeth.
Petra, the worn and torn new Creative Director, appointed vet Kellie as captain. Natalie, the rancorous vet who barely made the team, launched a hate campaign against Athena, determined to have her kicked off. Her moronic high school antics failed. Petra named Athena as co-captain at the end of the second episode.
Learn to tolerate this expression. Athena will use it in every talking head.
The latest ep opens at Staples Center. The team is having their final rehearsal before the first preseason game. Athena is late. Bitter Natalie is smug. Athena shows. The traffic in LA on Fridays is SOOOOO bad. She had no idea! Nat takes the opportunity to snark that in L.A., it’s always this bad. Two others also show late, but she has nothing to say about it. Shocker.
Natalie’s useless advice is for Athena is to skip her eyelashes, pancake makeup and hairspray if she has to. She MUST be on time. Intentionally bad advice, Natalie. She cannot be seen without the war paint, because she will look far less attractive. Ugliness is more sinful than lateness. Either way, both are grounds for termination, says me. What is UP with these people? Most NFL (if not ALL) cheerleading squads and NBA dance teams, would pull the team member from the game, at the very LEAST. You would then be sent directly to the locker room to starve and stare at the walls for hours. That is IF you were allowed to remain on the team. When Latrice tells Petra who is late, not much happens. She’s disappointed but all hell does not break loose. The team sucks more than I thought.
I just humiliated myself and my team on national television. No biggie.
It’s only after a mediocre practice that Petra becomes heated. They’ve worked too hard to look this shitty! The dancers, nervous and pissed, scamper backstage to change into their costumes. They are tiny reflective red pants and cheapy Clippers tank tops. Kellie and a shorty vet give an uninspiring pep talk, before the women line up to perform. Do I really see tears? Candace belts out the national anthem, in a desperate attempt to erase all the crap opinions many people still have about the organization. Nice try.
It’s time for the dancers to hit the floor and do some stripper moves combined with a little hip hop. Blair, who is in the front of the line, manages to tumble before she hits the court. She isn’t that concerned about it and neither are her teammates. Petra is shocked for about two minutes and that is it. LAWD have mercy. No mistake is forgivable. So when Petra tells the team how amazing they are after their performance is over, I am floored.
Athena tells us she is a new person now. Exactly in what way? Maybe we’ll see new eyebrows in her next scene. I don’t see a personality overhaul anytime soon.
The next scene shows Hannah, Savanna, Natalie and an anonymous rookie at lunch. Natalie starts in on the bitching AGAIN. One is warranted. Athena was late, yet she was not pulled from their first performance. Now about Petra. She and Latrice were so hard on them at their final rehearsal! Um, no. Where they HELL did this girl come from? They had it way too good.
It’s a new day and another rehearsal. Latrice calls Athena over for a private talk about her lazy ass behavior. This does not work for Athena, who feels mistreated and disrespected. Then the excuses begin. Latrice shuts it down. Petra doesn’t want excuses. She wants all of this corrected ASAP. Athena tries a new expression:
A new choreographer appears. The dancers are excited. Maybe the New Jersey woman is on her way out. The first move is the death drop. Natalie does a successful demonstration of the move. The other dancers pick up on it immediately. That is, with the exception of Athena, who has no effing clue what she’s doing. She covers it up by announcing that she pulled a quad. I don’t believe her and neither does anyone else. Even if she was telling the truth, I expect her to get up and STFU. What a wuss. The guest choreographer looks like she wants to fire her. If only she could.