Heya Trashies!
Technically I was supposed to pick this up last week, but a I had a calamitous convergence of circumstances (say that three times). Cutting it short, the highlight was a case of cat Herpes (I’d like to stress it was my cat with Herpes not me having cat-Herpes), and an ongoing case of cystitis. Again, a cat, not me. So I spent all week giving medicine to cats and some sick humans.
Meandering preamble aside, settle in, strap yourself down to avoid injury and get ready for the unholy terror that is Dance Moms. The episode is ‘ALDC does Vegas’, which has a very inappropriate resonance with me having grown up in the seventies. That’s the least of Abby Lee Miller’s problems though, with 20 counts of fraud hanging over her.
‘And stretch. Four to Five in my case.’
There should be a ‘how many years will Abbey get’ sweep stake, I’d go for three.
Last ep, Brynn has officially been made part of the team, Ashley shouted at everyone. This week really emphasizes why it’s called ‘Dance Moms’. There is precious little dancing and lots of rancorous and bitter middle aged woman yelling at each other.
We start off with Abbey complaining someone’s lost a costume and that the Mom’s are pestering her. ‘If they respected me as a business woman they’d stay out of my hair’. Oh please, they don’t even think about anything but the status of their various spawnlings and they openly slag off each others kids to their faces. Respect is somebody else’s problem for these ladies.
Mackenzie and Maddie are on their way, hoping there won’t be any drama this week. Hmm, then they proceed to stir some up. There’s some fluff about loving Brynn and hating Ashley, but really the scene is hanging a lampshade on Maddie’s decision to quit the team. Which hasn’t happened yet, but it can’t be foreshadowed any more heavily unless she screams ‘I’m leaving’ and slaps Abbey round the face a lot. It’s only a matter of time before she’s saying ‘Later Taters’ and off to a short lived career as a movie extra.
Drama? Us? Some mistake surely?
Its Pyramid time! The wholly artificial tool for stirring up shit. Brynn gets props from Abbey for doing well. Ashlee doesn’t waste any time with thinly veiled jibes, she launches a ‘You’re just jealous that Brynn has had a better Season than Kendall’ torpedo right at Jill’s bow.
Loving being in the room whilst the Mom’s chat
It spirals into a back and forth of Jill and Ashlee trashing each other, and their children. Ashlee claims Kendall’s incompetence is all over ‘social media’. I’ve no idea if this is true and I care even less. Kendall, if she’s going to have a career in show-business, needs a much thicker skin. From the lowliest copywriter to an actor, you learn that your work gets critiqued a lot and you have to learn to take it on board and roll with it. Instead she rushes up to Ashlee and asks why she’s so mean.
For the money, honey.
Kendall storms out, Jill follows. The meeting breaks down and Abbey reflects that Jill and Kendall are basically drama Queens. I’m not sure finding a ‘good one’ is possible in this mess. Except maybe Holly, who later comments that the kids are now getting like the Mom’s and this is a bad thing. I suspect Ashlee is targeting the volatile Mom as she’s the easiest target, which is more just plain thuggery than Machiavellian manipulation, but she’s making a space for her gal. Jill should stop losing it and see what is happening.
The Pyramid is going well so far
Abbey actually does dispense some useful advice to Jill and Kendall. Regardless of how she feels about Ashley, or whether she’s right or wrong, if she works in show business she’s going to run into many more ‘Ashley’s so she needs to just deal with it. Without throwing a mega strop and causing the morning to grind to a halt whilst the Jill and Kendall Psycho-drama Carousel takes over. They leave, and peace returns to the Dance hall. Which really shows who the problem was in the first place. Ok it was Ashlee, but Jill caused more damage in the way she dealt with it.
Holly continues in her efforts to behave something akin to decently, trying to point out that as role models and Moms, they need to be positive not negative. She ought to have added ‘or in thirty years time your drug addict alcoholic daughter will be writing shit about how bad a Mom you were’.
The winning team from last week get the solo’s and the theme for a group dance is a David Bowie tribute. Again, Abbey’s advice is from the pragmatic school of hard knocks. Kendall is losing out because right or wrong, she’s not here and Ashley and Brynn are.