Hello Trashies, and welcome to the Love and Hip Hop Atlanta recap. Tonight was the season premier, and it was chock full of new characters and the same old bullshit we’ve come to expect from the denizens of VH1’s Atlanta. Let’s dig in.
First we have to talk about the new opening. It’s been so long since they updated that tired old thing, so I was excited to see the change. Honestly, it took me a sec to figure out who Karlie was with that big wig, especially since it’s just Karlie in the intro. Most of the ladies were looking pretty good. This was definitely the high point in terms of style and life choices tonight.
From the opening, we transition into a pumping bass and driving drum beat as scenes that are supposed to look like photo snapshots flash before us. One by one the women arrive in their various leased vehicles, dressed in fake furs, polyester and tulle. These bitches have never met a synthetic material they didn’t immediately fall in love with and cover themselves in head to toe. But let’s move past the tacky clothes (there will be so much more to say about that later) and onto the tacky “red carpet” setup.
There are like 3 photographers and six randos clustered together, in a way that is supposed to give us the illusion of paparazzi and a crowd. Even with the music and seizure-inducing, flashing cuts, this is a sad state of affairs. You know in reality they are just pulling up to a building in broad daylight with a tiny red carpet and some people Mona Scott-Young hired to stand there. There was no music, it wasn’t fast-paced with flashing bulbs, it was just sad sad sad.
Karlie Red tells us that this “event” is a memorial for a rapper named Dolla who was killed a few years ago. Given the pumping music and outfits and entire setup so far, you might think we’re going to a club opening or some kind of happy occasion. Nope, this is a memorial service. There might even be people crying. Odd they present it this way, and I am not sure why the producers made this choice. But of course, this is just the first in a series of questionable choices to come from producers and cast alike.
Karlie is not bothered. She is too busy telling us about all the “deals” she is making to notice how bizarre this scene is as an opener to the show. The insincerity and strange tone continues, as the women meet up inside the club saying how “cute” it is. Yes, this occasion to mark the passing of a fellow human being is quite cute. Rasheeda nonchalantly tells us, “This is nice. I don’t even know how long it’s been since Dolla was killed.” Oh cool, you all definitely cared about this guy.
Obviously, this is just an excuse to shoot a scene, and there is no way these women would have showed up otherwise. I recognize that is the purpose most events serve in a reality show, but damn. It is extra ugly and dehumanizing when you use a death to do it.
No one else feels this way. The women continue to catch up/catch us up on what’s been going on. Karlie tells the ladies about her store in LA. Tammy (Wocka Flocka Flame’s wife) tells us that Wocka is always on the road, and she gets bored all alone in her 8 bedroom house. Ok, Tammy. I guess we should just be happy she didn’t bring her monthly mortgage payment to prove to these ladies she is a rich bitch now. Rasheeda expressed all my feelings about this exchange with one super shady eye roll. Luckily they move on quick to talk about Mimi and her new boo. They are all saying he must be better than Nikko. I mean, duh. Then Kirk and Yung Joc show up. Karlie refuses to shake Joc’s hand since she doesn’t know where it’s been. She also asks him if he is still “snoring at other people’s houses.” Karlie is funny.
Suddenly we’re outside again. There’s a woman and two dudes with manbuns (this terrible hairstyle knows no limits) standing around as a woman with Carrot Top’s hair steps outside of a chauffeured black car, clutching a tiny dog. As they all walk in together, we get introduced to Karen King (KK). She speaks in a sickeningly sweet voice that might as well be her rattle, cause you can already tell this bitch is a snake. It’s not long after this that we get a shot of Joc essentially confirming my suspicion by telling us that the King family is notorious. He also says they are feared and respected in Atlanta; “these folk crazy….(looks around)…crazy.” The Kings sit by themselves at the event, which KK tells us is actually for her nephew. Karlie says hi to them, then tells the ladies about the family. She points out that Scrap and Sass, KK’s sons, are also Stevie J’s nephews. And Scrap is dating the woman we saw him walk in with, Tommie. Karlie repeats what Yung Joc told us, “they ain’t nothin to mess with.” So Karlie elucidates the point further, by telling us that KK has been on America’s most wanted list. Whaaaaa? Obviously I had to fire up the old google machine.
Looks like the manbun finally made it to Atlanta.
It says that this woman went on the run for a year and dyed her hair blonde (like a movie) til the law finally caught up with her in Florida. Supposedly, she and her sons kidnapped and brutally beat the father of 2 of her children, and she was the mastermind behind the operation. Mastermind is an overused term, but for once it may be the exact right one. Despite the belief of police and prosecutors that she and her sons were guilty, they did not have enough evidence to convict! Woah!