Welcome back TAR Trashies! I’m not digging the nickname TySea (Tyler + Seacrest). And while I like Torey, a nickname other sites use, I want my readers to know I never look at other recaps before or while I write mine. But I do read them afterwards and was kicking myself for not thinking of such an obvious nickname. I will now refer to them as The Boys, and they better get to stepping if they want to continue raaacing around the world with Phil’s eyebrow through some gorgeous locations (seriously, how pretty was Georgia?) Last leg’s mat order:
1. Magic (Zach & Rachel) their 1st win
2. Burn Ash (Mike “Burnie” Burns & the striking Ashley)
3. Frisbee (Brodie & Kurt)
4. The Dueling Dancers (Dana & Matt)
5. Heartthrob (Mom Sheri & Son Cole)
6. The Boys (Tyler & Korey)
Philiminated: Daddy Daughter (Blair & Scott)
Long live #Blodie. Brodie says he’ll take Blair on a trip if Frisbee wins another one, and with the Express Pass in their possession and their stellar racing, that shouldn’t be hard. Magic departs at 10:39 PM to go meet the Travelocity Roaming Gnome in Dubai, UAE. All teams are on the same flight and will drive themselves (!) to a marked part of the desert. This is the first time in 2 seasons teams are driving themselves, which put control in their hands but unfamiliarity with the area must make it harder. And yup, as soon as they’re on their own, Heartthrob misses their exit and falls behind. When the teams arrive at the desert tent they are greeted by the locals with what I’m calling an Eskimo Peck: the touching of nose tips. I’ve never seen that before. The CBS editors kept putting in a kissing sound because they’re 12.
The clue is for the Detour: Races or Oasis. In Races teams have to race on bicycles against camels that can run up to 40 MPH. If they fail they can try again with a head start. Most of the front teams head for this task, and Magic misses the (super obvious) entrance to the track so falls behind. In the first heat The Boys and Burn Ash both fail, but Ashley was struggling so they switch tasks. In the second heat Frisbee beats the camels but Magic fails and also decides to switch. The Boys get it on their second attempt.
Tour de Dubai
Camels are known as the “ships of the desert” so for the Oasis task teams have to lead 4 camels across the desert, and one lucky “ship” gets to carry the precious gnome. The walk is a mile long, through the hot heavy desert sand. Dana gets to bitching immediately, though she does enjoy the regag bread and camel milk they receive when they deliver their camels.
Negative Nelly
Burn Ash get to the Oasis task and seem to really enjoy it. Magic is running through the desert, Rachel feeling as though she let Zach down racing the camels. Finally Heartthrob arrives at the racetrack and beat the camels on their second attempt. That must have been a decent head start since no one failed.
As the only ones able to beat the camels on their first attempt, Frisbee is the first team headed to Aquaventure at the Atlantis Hotel, which is so freaking pretty:
Aquabeautiful
The Roadblock “Swimming with Sharks” has a team member walking underwater to retrieve a puzzle, which they then need to solve on dry land. As you probably guessed, there are sharks and other marine creatures in the tank with them. This is probably something you can pay a ton of money to do at the water park, though it’s not really my cup of tea. I’m not afraid, mind you. Well, maybe a little.
Careful, Phil!
Brodie gets his underwater puzzle easily enough but cannot figure out how to solve it. He needs to move the letters R A C E around in a tube filled with viscous liquid and get them into place. They decide to use their Express Pass before the other teams arrive, so no one will know it’s been used. They run into the other teams as they’re leaving.
The best part about this task is everyone has to don these tiny gold bikinis and short shorts. Dana, who has a great body, keeps covering up her cleavage and Rachel put a tank top on but everyone looked smoking!
Scaring the fish
Performing the roadblock is Burnie, Dana, Zach and Korey. Burnie is the first to solve the puzzle but doesn’t provide any information when asked by the other teams because this is a race. Korey is next, followed by Zach. Dana is struggling and close to breaking down, being more insufferable than usual.
Did not look worthy of an Express Pass
Frisbee is ready to Take the Plunge in the next challenge at Aquaventure. No, not the Neptune waterslide that Mika was too afraid to go down in season 15, but an even scarier one called Poseidon’s Revenge. The scariest part of the Neptune slide was if you lifted your head you could fall forward and seriously injure yourself. I went on something like that once and was petrified. The slide the racers are going down is in a tube, which eliminates the scary element (to me anyway). It must be super-fast though and it’s cool the racers wear a Go Pro camera so we can watch them slide down. It looks fun and we not only get the episode title quote from Dana but we learn Burnie has “pieces where there aren’t supposed to be pieces.”
Damn, Burnie!!!
The time in between these two challenges couldn’t have been that long as The Boys catch up to Burn Ash at the waterslide tube.
Heartthrob has been behind everyone all leg and getting lost in an area without gas stations or people to ask for directions isn’t helping. They get to the water park and Cole does the roadblock, seemingly without issue, while his mom rocks the hell out of her bikini.
Frisbee is crossing the Dubai Creek in a water taxi to the Pit Stop: Old Souq Station. They must have gotten a little lost getting to the water taxi station as they beat Burn Ash to the mat by only minutes.
Way too many birds for my liking
The Boys check in and Tyler wants to show Phil the new traditional greeting he learned earlier, but Phil ain’t touching no noses. The Dancers get lost and I don’t think I need to mention Dana is being a bitch to Matt. So much so that I feared (hoped?) they were going to end their engagement. She acknowledges that she gets frustrated and yells a lot. We don’t see a lot of yelling, just her being bitchy and talking slowly to him in that aggravating passive-aggressive way. Anyhoo they are totally lost and fearful they have dropped to last place. They check in at dusk, which was enough to beat Heartthrob, who check in at night and learn this was a NEL. I didn’t see that coming. They will have to perform a Speed Bump task on the next leg. The Dancers better hope Dana is in a better mood for next leg or she might run off, never to be seen again.
Mat order:
1. Frisbee (win a trip to Helsinki, Finland)
2. Burn Ash
3. The Boys
4. Magic
5. The Dueling Dancers
6. Heartthrob
Will Brodie take Blair to Helsinki? Will someone release Matt from Dana’s evil clutches? Did the stingray notice what Burnie is apparently packing “down there”? Sound off in the comments below and thanks for reading.
Want more TrashTalk? Follow us on Twitter for updates of recaps as they publish, like us on Facebook for a daily update, watch our TV parody vids on YouTube, or for funny TV pics, heart us on Instagram, and get the occasional gif on Tumblr!
