Welcome back to Thicker Than Water, trashies. This family gets both less and more interesting each episode at the same time. How is that possible? Are they all anti-matter?
Last week on the trainwreck: Brittney stomped around because damnit, she wants a baby. Brooklyn just wanted camera time. Mrs. Marcus doesn’t want any of the drunk/high and irresponsible family members touching her blessed child.
This week opens up on the fight of last week: Does Mrs. Marcus bogard the baby?
I’m allergic to assholes.
Mrs. Marcus SHOULD keep the baby away from the family. They are the most irresponsible people ever and are prone to dropping things: children, spouses, objects that aren’t weed (looking at you, Benji)
My parents were the worst (including the one in the room), I just want Micah to survive infanthood without being dropped. K?
I thought that goddamn Lion King thing from a few weeks ago would shut this one up…
I love when Ben is pissed off that his children remember how terrible of a father he is/was.
The argument ends with storm-outs.
God, even the back stairs of this house are tacky.
I do not understand how this is a whole blow out. The issue is a mom holding her baby….? Why? Oh right, ‘cuz cameras. Marcus cooks all the more furiously as the yelling continues. Mrs. Marcus comes back downstairs to her worst nightmare:
Let’s see if we can get her to reallllllly lose it this time.
Anddddd that’s enough of that.
To distract us from what a bad father he is, Ben goes flying! I love fake rich people who fly planes. Nothing like partaking in a dangerous activity with what I assume is fake and cheap training.
Does he fit in this plane? That is a tall man.
Benji and Mrs. Benji go baby stuff shopping.
Picture 10
This kid is SO BLOWN.
Benji and Mrs. Benji have already decided that their unborn child will NOT be friends with Micah. There, argument solved! Ben and Jewel get ready for an uncomfortable night out. On the way to the airplane hanger, Ben actually calls refers to his child relatives as “Juvees.” Does he understand the context in which children are usually called juveniles?
Jewel is glad to have a night off from texting and calling Cyrene every 30 seconds. She bad acts her way into discussing whether Brooklyn’s reason for attention legitimate concern about her father spending child support on Jewel.
Speaking of Brooklyn debasing herself for camera time, she takes her poor adorable child to go bra shopping. Please no. Do not put this on camera. This girl will never be normal.
Ben dumped Brooklyn off when she got pregnant. Duh. He’s a terrible parent. Jewel has called Cyrene 400 times today and she still hasn’t answered. UGH.
This week’s episode of “Britney forces the family to exercise.”
Britney just desperately needs a baby so that she can be not alone. This baby plan is no good. Not because a baby needs two parents or it will implode, but because Britney just wants her family to be happy for her, like they are whenever someone else procreates.
In other news, Mrs. Marcus is doing nothing to dispel the notion that she is over protective. When they travel by car, she rides in the back with the baby.
Well the carseat is allowed to hold him…
They meet with Brooklyn to discuss this season’s fashion show: Marcus’ bowties. Brooklyn immediately brings up the family fight and throws Benji right under the bus. Poor stoned brother, he cannot focus enough to get beyond the “fake, surface level talk.” Incidentally, that should be the new name for this show.
Mrs. Marcus and Marcus agree to a summit with Benji and Mrs. Benji. This will go well, I’m sure.
Ready to compromise
The argument that follows is so nonsensical and no one deserves to have to listen to it. I shall nut-shell it for you:
Micah: We moved here for you all to be close to Micah. Same city is close enough.
Ben (inside the house): Why didn’t this involve me?
Benji: I can totally watch a child without casualties.
Mrs. Benji: Mrs. Marcus’s only friend is Micah.
Mrs. Marcus: It’s settled. Only I will hold my baby.
Britney comes over to get Mrs Marcus and Marcus to exercise.
I’ll just back away slowly with this guy….
Brooklyn and Ben sit down for their tenth conversation about whether or not he likes Brooklyn and didn’t send her mother child support (no on both accounts). Ben is going to pop if they don’t stop talking about what a bad father he is.
Brooklyn worked her bottle of fake tears.
Ben agrees to call her more often. Ah the warmth of parental love. “I’ll call you once in while if it makes you shut up.”