Hi trash bags! Welcome back to another episode. I was kinda slacking last week and finished my recap super late so I decided to just make this one a Doublecap. Thanks for watching this with me! I’d couple with every one of you guys, and I mean that. And by couple, I mean have sex.
ANYWAY, we start back right where we left off, with Imari choosing 2 girls to take with him to the couples’ villa aka the “mack shack”. He says that he wants to base his decision on instant chemistry, so he chooses right away. I have to say, I don’t think that’s the best idea. I think he should chat with the girls a bit more before deciding. One time I was driving and I was checking out a tan, buff dude jogging down the street. As I got closer, I realized he was 95 years old. I’m just saying. Imari doesn’t heed my retroactive warning, and he chooses pageant queen Alicia and lawyer Domonique. Talyuh “The Unlovable” is really upset because she thought she had a really strong connection with him. I was surprised too, because I thought he would pick her.
“I thought our 5 seconds together meant something to him”.
Talyuh is crying and feeling pretty shitty about herself and the other girls comfort her. Awwwww. Cute.
At the Mack Shack, Imari and the ladies sit down for a super awkward dinner. Domonique tries to initiate a conversation and Alicia keeps interrupting her. Which is super rude, but hilarious for us. Dom talks about the vineyards in Washington and Alicia interrupts her to make a toast. Alicia is total pageant girl too, all fake smiles and giggles. Also, she pronounces her name A-LEE-SEE-A, which is her parents doing, but still. In a word – annoying. Alicia tries to play into the “cool girl” trope by saying wine is too expensive and that she is a root beer and pizza kind of girl. First of all, I’ve seen her in a bikini and that chick hasn’t had a carb in years. Secondly, why are you talking shit about wine?
“I can handle you interrupting me, but if you don’t stop hating on wine, I will cut you.”
In an interview, Alicia calls Dom “boring”. It does seem edited in, though. Imari asks if the girls have a favorite family dish and Dom tells them about her dad’s blueberry pancakes. Ummm, pancakes. Her dad sounds awesome. Alicia interrupts to talk about her dad’s famous salsa. Alicia is an interrupter and a one-upper. Dom shoots her with award worthy side-eye throughout the dinner, and it’s pretty damn hilarious.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh-
You’re a bitch.
Back at the beach huts, the girls are questioning Michelle about her motives for “turning right” and heading to the tiki bar, although Michelle wasn’t interested in Imari. By the way, Michelle is the gorgeous Eva Mendes doppelgänger. Michelle claims that she was “wing-womaning” for Dom. Lisa, the one who looks like Casey Wilson, is throwing shade. She says that Michelle being in the tiki hut only lessened the chances that Imari would choose Dom, which from a probability standpoint is true. I can see both their points, but this fight is dumb. Maybe Michelle was interested in Imari. Maybe she was supporting Dom. Maybe she wanted to refill her drink. I’m fully on Team Who cares?. Lisa calls Michelle “fake” and Michelle is all “I AIN’T THE ONE, BITCH!”. Michelle storms off, and Kristin follows her. Michelle is crying now (WHY, girl?). She says and I quote that “the one thing I’m NOT is a liar and the one thing I AM, is honest”, which doesn’t even make sense. Hopefully she thinks of a better comeback before she goes back outside. Then, she says she doesn’t know why this happens to her with girls and that she doesn’t need the “girl drama”. Sigh. Michelle, babe, it’s not a “girl” thing. Some people are just antagonistic assholes. Both women and men. And often children. Alex sums up the “fight” by making yet another hilarious face.
Bitches be crazy, ya’ll
The next day, all of the girls head to the beach to chill and Michelle stays behind to read, because Michelle is me. She claims she doesn’t feel well but really she just doesn’t want to hang with Lisa.
She’s reading “How to Avoid Cutting a Bitch for Dummies”
Back at the Couple’s Villa, it is time for Imari to choose between his ladies. He chooses Dom because he thinks she has more substance. When he announces his choice, Alicia makes this face.
I LOVE this show
How hilarious would it be if the dudes dumped the girls via text? Maybe if they get another season. Dom and Imari move into the villa together which seems pretty sudden after one day. Like, who do you think you are, Jenelle from Teen Mom?