Pajiba – Third Eye Blind Played An RNC Concert Just So They Could Troll Republicans
You may be thinking did I wake up in 1997? No, but if the RNC is any indication, we woke up in the South in 1953. Anyway, has-been band from the 1990s, Third Eye Blind’s music may not be any less mediocre than it was back in the day, but the band just reached arena levels of awesomeness when they got on stage at a concert for Republicans and trolled the shit out of them. “How’s it Gonna Be” when we’re living in a dystopian society ruled by orange baby men, Republicans? I’ts easy to have a “Semi-Charmed Life” when you’re a white male. The best part was that they kept swearing and using that dirty S word. SCIENCE!! Boo! Hiss! Commence pearl clutching. Third Eye Blind just won rotation on my Spotify playlist this week.
Celebitchy – Melania Trump’s Speechwriter Falls On Her Sword For Plagiarized RNC Speech
A ghostwriter named Meredith McIver decided take responsibility for the mail order bride’s recitation of Michelle Obama’s speech. Meredith, if she’s even a real person — and not Chris Christie in a wig (drink some water if you’re that thirsty, dude) putting a band aid on the gushing, infected wound that is the Drumpf campaign — is an idiot who just got a sweet ass pay day to take responsibility for not understanding how to write words for foreign prostitutes. I’m starting to wonder if this entire convention isn’t an elaborate Christopher Guest film where Eugene Levy will pop out in November and tell us all, “haha. Just kidding.”
TMZ – Justin Bieber Calls BS on Egging Victims Ongoing Mental Distress
Far be it from me to defend Justin Bieber –I can only imagine the waking nightmare that is living next to a man-boy who wears leather diaper jeans– but nobody gets mentally distressed by a junior high pranking. Unless, the neighbors now suffer a crippling aversion to brunch (which would be tragic) then I think it’s time to take the money they were already awarded, and move to another pop star free neighborhood.
Dlisted – Miranda Kerr Is Getting Married To Her Billionaire Boyfriend
Miranda, tell us your secret to landing rich husbands? Oh, right, supermodel. Ok, time to move onto plan b.
Lainey Gossip – Taylor’s Burn Book
Ever since being burned at the stake of social media opinion, Baby Colt Legs is now trying to mean girl an Australian artist, because her MO is to always pick on someone smaller than herself (which, is not hard, as she’s a wobbly-legged giant). Meanwhile, while she licks her wounds (and Tom Hiddleston’s face), Taylor is plotting an epic revenge to get back at her haters. Will she set fire to the homecoming float, or maybe spread a rumor that the head of the chess team is really a big old lesbian (gasp!). Whatever Princess Tay-Tay does, I bet it’ll get the whole school talking.