The season premiere of Toddlers & Tiaras brings us to Last Train to Clarksville, Tennessee for the Me and My Pet pageant, and you know how much I hate it when they involve animals in these – either as props or prizes. Plus, what hotel agrees to this mess? Some poor housekeeper is going to find a long snake skin that will send her running back to Guadalajara in record time, poor thing.No amount of Lemon Pledge is going to fix this.The show starts off with a disclaimer that all the animals in the episode were supervised by their owners at all times, but that does not instill a lot of confidence considering most pageant folk. We see a baby chick that has been hosed in hot pink coloring, a kid putting a live chicken into a pot that is supposed to be chicken soup (remind me not to eat at her house), and poor Ron (Aly & Gia’s dad) either trying to calm down, or perhaps being attacked by, a peacock. Oh, Ron, you poor guy. Poor, poor Ron.Jill Worley, a pageant director we’ve seen before, tells us Me and My Pet pageant has a “Down on the Farm” theme, and she promises no “poo-points” will be deducted. You mean from the animals, right? First up in Indianapolis, Indiana – watch out for the fuzz if you are driving through on I-65, people! – we meet Rainbow Dash, 4. She looks like a cross between pre-bangs Michelle Obama and pre-drunk-via-Kathy-Lee Hoda Kotb. Seriously, she might want to put that hairstyle in the closet until she reaches 30. Newscaster hair really works on kids, huh?Mom Rachelle tells us Rainbow is what you see is what you get. And what I see is kinda funny. Rainbow tells us that her dog Titi, a miniature pincher or something, doesn’t pee on the stage. Titi whines. I’ll believe it when I see it. The HELL? I’m guessing Titi spends most of his time trying to avoid being sat on by this.Rainbow got her nickname from one of the My Little Ponies. I was never into it, but I do laugh heartily at Bronies. Rainbow has been doing pageants for most of her life and she supremes all over the place. Luckily, no poo-points will be deducted. Rachelle tells us she’s a preacher’s daughter but was excommunicated from the church for doing pageants. What. THE HELL? What church does she belong to that she could be excommunicated for that? Clearly not the Catholic church, we’ve seen how they handle their kids. Also, I doubt Jesus approves of this kind of Christian hatin’, although it does seem to be the fashion, doesn’t it? “I don’t think I’ll be going to Hell because of pageants,” Rachelle says. I’d hold that thought. “I could see if I had her on a stripper pole.” Well, as long as she’s not an altar boy, you are probably good to go. Over in Granite City, Illinois, we meet Gabby, 4, […]
The season premiere of Toddlers & Tiaras brings us to Last Train to Clarksville, Tennessee for the Me and My Pet pageant, and you know how much I hate it when they involve animals in these – either as props or prizes. Plus, what hotel agrees to this mess? Some poor housekeeper is going to find a long snake skin that will send her running back to Guadalajara in record time, poor thing.No amount of Lemon Pledge is going to fix this.The show starts off with a disclaimer that all the animals in the episode were supervised by their owners at all times, but that does not instill a lot of confidence considering most pageant folk. We see a baby chick that has been hosed in hot pink coloring, a kid putting a live chicken into a pot that is supposed to be chicken soup (remind me not to eat at her house), and poor Ron (Aly & Gia’s dad) either trying to calm down, or perhaps being attacked by, a peacock. Oh, Ron, you poor guy. Poor, poor Ron.Jill Worley, a pageant director we’ve seen before, tells us Me and My Pet pageant has a “Down on the Farm” theme, and she promises no “poo-points” will be deducted. You mean from the animals, right? First up in Indianapolis, Indiana – watch out for the fuzz if you are driving through on I-65, people! – we meet Rainbow Dash, 4. She looks like a cross between pre-bangs Michelle Obama and pre-drunk-via-Kathy-Lee Hoda Kotb. Seriously, she might want to put that hairstyle in the closet until she reaches 30. Newscaster hair really works on kids, huh?Mom Rachelle tells us Rainbow is what you see is what you get. And what I see is kinda funny. Rainbow tells us that her dog Titi, a miniature pincher or something, doesn’t pee on the stage. Titi whines. I’ll believe it when I see it. The HELL? I’m guessing Titi spends most of his time trying to avoid being sat on by this.Rainbow got her nickname from one of the My Little Ponies. I was never into it, but I do laugh heartily at Bronies. Rainbow has been doing pageants for most of her life and she supremes all over the place. Luckily, no poo-points will be deducted. Rachelle tells us she’s a preacher’s daughter but was excommunicated from the church for doing pageants. What. THE HELL? What church does she belong to that she could be excommunicated for that? Clearly not the Catholic church, we’ve seen how they handle their kids. Also, I doubt Jesus approves of this kind of Christian hatin’, although it does seem to be the fashion, doesn’t it? “I don’t think I’ll be going to Hell because of pageants,” Rachelle says. I’d hold that thought. “I could see if I had her on a stripper pole.” Well, as long as she’s not an altar boy, you are probably good to go. Over in Granite City, Illinois, we meet Gabby, 4, […]