Welcome back, those who made it this far: episode two. First things first we get a viewer discretions advised notice: must be 14 years old to watch. Only 14 that is. Only way you’ll think this is a good tv show.
Ugh, very disappointing start. Abigail Breslin is still alive. And the other girl’s body is missing. Everyone seems to think No. 5 did it, but it was clearly the candy striper. Anyway, we have a new patient with the condition of being a probably attractive actor wearing a probably very itchy costume. They know a cure but it’s too expensive and they already bought an entire hospital for only like 5 people to run around in so money is tight. Keke tells candy stipe that she is suspicious of the Dean…just now?
Dr Stamos and Nurse cheekbones are going on a weird date to the movies and his serial killer hand starts groping and stealing twirlers right away. No. 5 goes on a date with pimple boy and decides to steal a bunch of money because a boy actually spoke to her. You guys, just turn him around and look for the zipper. I promise.
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Serious HAIR ENVY. That little braid is inspirational.
Sad Radwell shows up pretending to be the red devil, when in reality, he’s just the introduction to a new storyline I do not care at all about. He wants Chanel back or something, I’m already (still) bored. He’s here with his friend, some other fratty white boy name, is sick and can’t stop yelling? Apparently there’s no cure, but that’s what we’re here for. That should be their slogan. Clearly they need some marketing advice. The hospital s dead ass empty. They don’t even seem to have lights that work.
Zayday and I Want Candy Stripe (Aaron Carter followed me on twitter yesterday so it’s fresh on my mind) do some research and very luckily find information about a Halloween party where people were murdered by the… Green Meanie. Thank God someone wrote this down. Except for the fact that literally who. Whatever. So are Zayday and IwantCandy going to be the new hat girl and barista boy? Ugh. I don’t have any more adjectives for “smart people”. Kirstie Alley walks in on them because she heard something about Ted Danson in the last scene and just realized a good actor might be hanging around somewhere. No luck though. Just Keke Palmer. That, or she walked in a scene too early because now it’s time for a shower scene.
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For all the fucking tweets I saw about this shower scene I am VERY let down. All I was focused on was worrying that those shower curtains were going to fall from being treated so poorly. They both want Chanel. What the fuck ever. Here’s a picture.
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The new detectives cause Dean of being the Green Weenie which can only mean one thing: we are about to find out that she isn’t. Probably after this scene she will be attacked, proving it can’t be her.
Oh shit look who was right ME. To be fair, I watched season 1 and it’s not like this is any different at all. Because everyone knows a stack of papers is stronger than a machete.
Niecy Nash comes back to talk to Dean Munch about what it’s like being strong females, but they end up talking shit about Zayday, a fellow woman trying to become a successful doctor. Feminism. While Dr Stamos and Madwell have a war of proving masculinity. For the chance of having sex with a blonde girl. This show is SO progressive, I bet it’s voting for Hillary Clinton. (I TRIED NOT TO MAKE POLITICAL JOKES BUT I COULDN’T STOP MYSELF I AM SORRY)
I don’t even like Lea Michele but her scene this show is so bad I’ve become glad to see her crazy face because she at least kind of knows what acting is. And I just love crazy serial killers. She knows things about the killer (probably nothing too important), and will tell us if she gets to move to the hospital, oh gosh. She just wants a chance with iWantCandy.
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holy S IT IS KEVIN!!!!! KEVIN MALONE WHY ARE YOU HERE TALKING ABOUT BAD BADWELL’S PENIS WHY I’m so upset this character is just here to be made fun of and it isn’t funny and he deserves better Image may be NSFW.
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But whatever this random character tells Chad that Dr Stamos’ hand used to belong to a serial killer ooooh plot twist for nobody. I don’t care about this rivalry.
Zayday and CanDay discover, in a room with no lights, that Dean Munch probably munched on a human and has a year to live. But pimple boy is about to go into surgery, which means he probably has even less time to live. Ah, yep. Green Weenie got him. You know a show is good when you can predict every single move.
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Okay guys it looks like I have next week off so I will see you guys in two weeks ready to hate on Abigail Breslin again! If you want to be cool like Aaron Carter you can follow me on twitter but I don’t apologize for my political jokes on there, just a warning- @grumpykat42 thank you for reading! Please comment and share your thoughts!
XOXOX KAT