This episode of Toddlers & Tiaras focuses on the Supreme Me pageant, the “biggest pageant on the west coast,” and the biggest whinefest in this hemisphere. If you remember, Trish found out that Mykel won’t do her kid’s hair because he’s already doing 25 girls thatswhatshesaid, and despite having taken a deposit, Trish is SOL now. Which is really sucky for her, and does Mykel not have a calendar on whatever i-Product he has where he keeps a log of this kind of stuff?
Well, this is awkward…I was just going to keep the money and not do the work.
Luckily, Mykel called someone named Theresa to take over, and Trish is happy (on the inside, she continues to have grouch-face on the outside) because she knows Theresa is OCD about hair and makeup. Well, someone has to be. “But my feelings are definitely still hurt,” she said. “This blindsided me.” Oh STFU.
Bite me, bitch.
Pageant Die-Rector Rochelle tells us the Supreme Me theme is “Night at the Movies,” and she doesn’t want to see 50 “Frozens.” Good luck with that. She said her pageant is a “self-esteem building system.” Because being judged on your looks is so self-esteem building. However, she does have a velvet Supreme Me robe for the winner, so that’s a new addition to our pageant prizes. And it’s bedazzled! Count me in!
Rochelle tells us that Landree models, “Like butter. She’s smooth, graceful and beautiful.” I have never called butter any of those things, what the hell brand butter is she eating, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Pageant Girl”?
Cadence is at the show, putting on the same show-stopping performance she did last time. Snore.
Cadence with her true talent.
Addison is channeling Trish, telling the new makeup artist Theresa that Cambrie lied to them, followed by an interview where she tells us that Cambrie’s “a looooseeeer!” Charming Mean Girl you’re raising, there, Trish. I’m sure she’ll make some man a real social-climbing, private-club alcoholic someday.
This would be a lot of hair even for Dolly Parton!
Dumbass Nisa interviews about the Mykel situation. “One bad apple spoils the whole bunch. Human beings should not be treating each other this way,” she says, about the makeup non-crisis. God these women need to find something real to do with their lives. Are there no food pantries or homeless shelters where they live?
Or what about helping this cheerful girl?
Nisa says, “Cambrie is a lovely, beautiful woman…” she stops and does this weird thing with her nose – maybe she’s getting the feeling back into her face as the Botox wears off? But then she doesn’t finish her sentence…what are you, 12?
Are her lips trying to escape her face?
Oh good, loud hillbilly Bowhead Deb! She’s upset because Jayliana looks like a teenager, and oh, yeah, her hair looks like crap. “$300 for bad hair,” Deb laments. Oh my God, $300 to get a kid’s hair done for one afternoon? I’m in the wrong career!
Wake up, Deb, and finish whatever you were drinking!
She says she doesn’t think Mykel knows how to do a mixed-girl’s hair, and “I’ve got a pounding headache just thinking about it.” Bet it matches the one I have from listening to you.
Deb complains to other moms (including bug-eyed Marcy, who will become important later), that Jayliana has a fall and she doesn’t know if that is how it is supposed to look, because it looks crooked to her. Maybe the problem is Deb who is off-balance from drinking?
Friends for the next few minutes, anyway.
First up for beauty is Addison, with her hair and makeup tragedy averted. She looks cute in her dress, but she keeps looking surprised. I worried she’d trip over her huge-ass lacy socks, but she does a great job. “My kid DOES NOT NEED Mykel Baca,” Trish snots. Cambrie says she brought her A-game, which was nice to say about someone on the other team.
Is it bad that I want this outfit in adult size? I mean, I’ll totally lose credibility at work, but it would be worth it!
Landree and Jayliana are in the same group, and Deb says, “Go hard or go home.” That tells you all you need to know about Deb, doesn’t it? Amanda tells us that everyone is afraid of her daughter, and Nisa snots, “Cause she so much better than ‘em. It’s true!” Who is she trying to be? Sometimes it seems like she’s trying to be an A-list celebrity talent stylist (in her mind) and other times she’s the folksy coach of southern pageant girls. Pick ONE, schizo.
Gulp & Go…or how about just GO?
Landree gets onstage and she looks very pretty, but it is like she’s trying SO HARD and I found it kind of annoying. The dress is really cool, with a stand-up collar that really sets off her…head, I guess. Cambrie says she has the kind of sparkle you can’t buy or train – it’s just natural. Some of her facial expressions seemed forced, but for pageants, yes, she nailed it.
If this doesn’t scream televangelist wife, I don’t know what does.
Deb watches from the side of the stage, looking like she forgot to shower this week. Before Jayliana gets onstage, one of the pageant women tells her she’ll get onstage, then she has to come back for lineup, to which Deb agrees…even if in a few moments she totally forgets.
I am totally about to tip over!
Jayliana does a great job, big smile, great facial expression, and I don’t think her hair was that bad. The color of her dress was good, too, the tealish-blue really setting off her skin tone. Nisa snots that Jayliana didn’t stand out to her because it’s like comparing someone in little league to a pro. Then put your glasses back on and go back to sleep, I’m sure you can find someplace to hang upside down while you do that. Unfortunately for Jayliana, Judge Tom Petty says he did not like her hair. Well I don’t like your comical attire, so we’re even, dude.
She was free-fallin’ instead of runnin’ down a dream.
Deb takes Jayliana to the bathroom to pull the fall off of her and run her head under water in the sanitary sink. Then pageant lady finds them in the bathroom and says they are waiting on them for lineup, to which Deb says she thought it was after the interview or whatever, and the lady leaves kind of pissed off. Since Jayliana has wet-head and is not dressed anymore, she misses lineup. Enjoy your consolation prize!