Hi Trash Bags!
I’m so sorry that I missed last week. Hey, give a girl a break! It’s pretty hard to type when your keyboard is covered in tears. Yes, (SPOILER ALERT!) my favorite little cheftestant is gone. I almost couldn’t watch the finale. I’ll always love my little Lexi.
WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!
Alright, so there are three annoying kids left: Liam, Amber and Isaiah. The two, possibly more annoying, judges come out to give them their last competition. They have to make the best meal of their lives!!! WOW! Lot’s of creativity going on at Food Network. They all get to go to the grocery store to pick their own items. I found this to be a chore as a kid…as a matter of fact…I still do. Liam is all about it because the grocery store is “his zone.” No comment.
They also have to do a sizzle reel. For all you people not in “the biz,” it’s just a short video of all your best moments on camera to give people a sense of you or what you do. Umm…I’m so confused as to what I’ve been watching of them thus far this season. Ugh…it’s basically a waste of everyone’s time, although, I feel Liam will do well, since I feel he can “sizzle.”
Oh dear God. They have a guest judge. If you’re watching this show, you probably watched last season’s regular Food Network Star. Enter guest judge Tregaye. Stab me. I forgot she won, as did Earth. I’m anticipating many “on fleeks” and “poppins.” I am putting a cyanide capsule between my teeth now…if I finish this show before biting down, it’s been a good day people.
Moving on. They go to Whole Foods (as if any ten year old could afford that) and begin shopping. Liam actually does a pretty funny impression of his mother telling him that everything is too expensive to buy. I loved it…I’m very cheap…(cough) I mean thrifty.
Next up they do their sizzle reels. It shows them all kind of bombing, but it’s very edited, so whatever. Now they have 90 minutes to cook. Liam is doing some calamari Middle Eastern thing, which will likely be too spicy. Isaiah is making lamb chops and duck breast, as any kid would. Amber is making “nummy no noodle lasagna.” I obviously did not make that up because I would never string those words together. I don’t know why she makes my skin crawl, but she does.
#ICAN”T
They’re all cooking and the judges ask them all why they should win. Isaiah is cute, saying he was a former football player but decided to teach himself how to cook. Liam wants to have a show where he goes around to Middle Eastern countries or homes and eats the food then makes it. Hey Food Network! I have a great idea too! It’s called Leighzus Walks goes to Latin America! I’ll travel around and eat tons of cheese enchiladas, tacos and burritos! Screw the cameras, we can put it on TrashTalkTV.com…then I’ll just have a margarita on the beach when I’m done and write about it. No takers???
Okay, back to reality. They are all cooking. Tia looks nervous about Liam, and Amber is getting annoyed at his humming. All the judges are a little worried that Amber is making a salad in the finale. I was really contemplating her making a salad when I heard, “WHERE’S MY CALAMARI?!” Liam couldn’t find it. It was literally right in front of him…maybe he needs thicker glasses.
The kiddos are all plating now and then time is up. Oops, Isaiah forgot to plate his carrots and Liam’s plate looks like something my dog threw up. Of course, Amber is gloating that she got everything plated and it looks great. Little Miss Perfect rises again.
The judges are back and so is Tregaye. Ugh. They start with Liam’s sizzle reel. He makes several puns, which I refuse to repeat. Of course, Tregaye loves it. The rest of the judges like it too and they actually like his food. At the end of his reel he does a mic drop. I’m sorry little boy, but, unless your wife was just tied up and robbed at gunpoint over her millions of dollars in jewels…you can’t do a mic drop. Let’s leave that to Yeezy.
Black power or mic drop?
I know the suspense is killing you, so let’s get to it! Amber is next up. The judges don’t care about her salad, and I don’t care about her “bullying” story line. I’ll leave it at that, to not offend the 6 people that read this, and to make this less than 10,000 pages.
Isaiah has great food but he talks too fast. Tregaye is fine with that, since they are both from Philly, or some shizz. I’m down with it too…I hate slow talkers. Then she said his food was on fleek, and I remembered why I hate humanity.