Hello Trashies and welcome back to the saga Jacqueline Laurita. Before we dig in, I want to talk about some stuff. Last week in the comments SofaTurnip mentioned how much Jac’s actions reminded them of someone from their past and I realized I felt the same. The manic behavior, the exaggerated stories and half-truths, the victim hood and worst of all the pleasure in watching their destruction fall all around them. THEN this weekend I fell into deep binge on Emotionally Broken Psychos podcast where the Molly McAleer explores the psychology behind our favorite reality stars. Suddenly I remembered what first brought me to the Real Housewives. It’s true that my sister first showed me the OC one day when we were both home at our parents house enjoying their AC and maxing on their cable. But at the time, I was going through a major life shift with my college female friends. The person who came to mind with SofaTurnip mentioned her Jac of Bitches Past was starting to cause some major chaos in my life that led to a major turning point in my life. I could fill a whole page on how that all went down and trust me I have before but really, I think I needed to understand why and how one person’s words, feelings or perception on a single incident could turn another person’s whole world upside down. Because for a moment, I felt like maybe I had been projecting and been too hard on Jac and too easy on Teresa in my past recaps but this episode proved that while the former may have been true the latter was not, Bitch is fucking crazy.
The episode opens with the non-fun haters crew coming back from their attempts at skiing. Delores immediately shows up at Melissa’s door to say that the fun haters have talked about it and they all think Robyn should leave because she “threatened” Jacqueline. Siggy shows up and agrees that either Robyn leaves or Jacqueline does. Melissa says it best that Jac’s obsessive bunny boiler behavior with Teresa is getting more and more disturbing.
shit is getting weird
Back at Jac’s her soldiers have returned from the frontlines to deliver the news that although they have told Melissa that Robyn is a liability she doesn’t necessarily agree that asking her to leave to the is the right move. Then in a completely genuine not at all manufactured moment Jac breaks down in tears of how much she loves Teresa and just wants to protect her from all the hangers on, like Robyn who try to hitch their ride to her rising star and sully her name.
Are you fucking kidding me? You are not even really crying you are stabbing yourself in the eye with your nails to produce tears because if you were really crying they would be streaming down your face, LC mascara tear style
Exhibit A
Siggy ever the healer of broken hearts says some stuff to her she needs to try to recite in the mirror like, “this is not your job,” and “you can’t save everyone.” They all group hug and Jacqueline says that she is just so emotional because she just got her period. Seriously.
Melissa goes to Teresa to break the news that other girls want Robyn out. Tre’s talking heads were great this episode and in this one she points out the obvious; Jac wasn’t threatened because she stayed on her lap and had to be pulled off. Robyn and Christina walk in during this discussion and make the unilateral decision to leave. No tears, no dramatics, no name-calling or calling out Jac for being the ultimate fun hater, it quite simply comes down to letting Teresa relax and enjoy her time away. Tre does not want to go to dinner but knows she has to so off they go.
In the fun haters car Jac is thanking everyone in the car for their service and support. BUT she’s not sure how Teresa and Melissa are feeling about all of them right now, planting the seed of teams. They all talk about how tired Teresa has been looking lately and that it’s probably because Joe is almost ready to go away. Jac of course relates this to the time her son was regressing. Just in case you forgot that, she was a long-suffering mother of a child who has Autism.
In Tre’s car, Melissa reminds Teresa that they need to hear the whole story of what happened before they make any moves.
As soon as the sit down Tre goes in for the kill like a lion hunting a gazelle and points out that they are minus 2 for this dinner. Jac must have been going to therapy between this season and the last one she was on because she does her now classic move and asks her how she feels about that. Tre is honest and says its screwed up and immediately victim hood sets in with Jac and she sticks with her storyline that she felt threatened. Tre calls bullshit and tells her that if she was so threatened then why did she sit on her and make physical contact. In the creepiest possible way Jac says she did it so she could rage on it. Yeah no that makes total sense someone threatens physical violence so you make sure to touch them first. Tre tries a different angle and ask what Jac what she said to provoke Robyn to say that in the first place. Jac totally lies and says she didn’t say anything and Robyn just started saying stuff she didn’t like about me and it kept escalating from there.
*
I don’t know I was just sitting there eating smores and building snowmen when Robyn just started yelling at me
But you sat on her lap and she did nothing so right there shows you weren’t really feeling threatened this is just a way for you to try and control the story, the cast and make sure you have idiots around you who feed into your professional victim hood because if you aren’t being a victim you might actually show how evil you really are.
Jac starts to get mad and threatens to leave but her butt remains planted in her seat. Teresa tells her that she is a very manipulating and calculating person.
The calm before the storm settles on the table and you can see the dust flying off the wheels turning in Jac’s head as she winds up and says that she has a right to be scared because Robyn has a past. Teresa says why doesn’t she know about that and Jac tells its because shes only been friend with her for 10 minutes. Actually that is not true they worked together on her Fabellini and appears that they still do as Velocity 1 still runs the twitter page AND I found something very interesting on there. Robyn also supports an Autism organization but not the one the Lauritas do….and although communicates a similar message of education and acceptance stems from a very different place in beliefs.