The Slot – Watch This if You Can’t Find the Ipecac
Pious Christian and DORITOS® JACKED™ Spicy Street Taco Flavored Tortilla Chip Donald Trump – for some reason or another – sat down with Pat Robertson, pruney purveyor of all things racist, homophobic, sexist and holy. Since Pat pretended that Donald hasn’t been recorded talkin bout grabbin pussies nor been accused by multiple women of being a criminal asshole, the two of them got along just fine. In fact, they quite enjoyed one another’s company as they sat in their privileged white maleness, shaking their heads somberly at the utter fairy tale of partial birth abortions. Aren’t we ladies so lucky to have men like this in our lives? Men who know just what we’re doing when we’re getting our bajinas checked out at the bajina doctor. Thanks, fellas!
Page Six – Billy Bush Beats It
Heh. I like that headline. Anyway, horny kiss ass Billy Bush is now selling the Chelsea townhouse he bought to relocate to New York for his job at the Today Show. Which he then got fired from. So Billy Bush is leaving town. Nobody likes him, everybody hates him. I guess he’ll go eat worms.
TMZ – I’ll Take a Five-Dollar Foot-Go Fuck Yourself
Kathleen McLaughlin, the ex-wife of perverted flour sack Jared Fogle, is suing Subway because she claims they knew about Jared’s sick delights for at least a decade. Yeesh. How about a palate cleanser? Check out this happy little cartoon:
People – EVERYONE LOOK AT TORI SPELLING EVERYONE LOOK RIGHT NOW
Tori Spelling, a rich woman with four million kids and a complex for attention, IS PREGNANT AGAIN. God dammit Tori. This is clearly another ploy for a reality show, isn’t it? Is this your way of screaming at reporters about what a good mom you are? Is it so you have more reasons to nag Dean McDermott? Isn’t your 43-year-old uterus tired? Or are you going for the Duggar gold?
Just Jared – The Hardest Game of Would You Rather
Pulsing slab of limestone Arnold Schwarzenegger told AdWeek that the only reason he never ran for president is because he legally can’t, on account of being born in a mixed up puddle of tanning oil and ox piss Austria. Which prompts the hardest game of would you rather: Trump or Schwarzenegger?
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